Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children

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It is true that in our contemporary era, celebrities receive too much attention from the

media

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For

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this

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reason, some

people

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argue that these phenomena have a detrimental impact on offspring ,

while

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others believe that They can be beneficial in many cases . In

this

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essay , I will explicate both stances before presenting my consensus on the latter view. On the one hand, in some circumstances , It can adversely affect

children

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. Since , adolescents tend to compete with each other , especially when It comes to football players.

For instance

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, It can be seen everywhere how

children

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are debating who is better Ronaldo or Messi and causing rivalries among them.

Nevertheless

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, the public in many situations tries to encourage them to be a community by illustrating how famous

people

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respect each other.

This

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factor can be valuable as it transforms them into a more friendly society.

On the other hand

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, the

media

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coverage of icons has some benefits. Young

people

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can gain some motivation and inspiration by observing high-profile individual's accomplishments.

For instance

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, the

media

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mostly shows how celebrities achieve their goals in the face of pressure from others.

Such

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kind of news generally triggers inspiration and a desire to work hard on themselves. A good example of

this

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is a Japanese youngster who was motivated by Cristiano Ronaldo when everyone was humiliating him . After 4 years,

this

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player has become one of the best in Japan and

furthermore

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, now he plays a pivotal role in his team. Despite all these advantages , sometimes, the

media

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shows inappropriate things about famous

people

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For example

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, the public recently showed Dani Alves who was accused of vandalism. It can

therefore

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be concluded that

media

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coverage of stars can have positive and negative influence on young

children

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simultaneously.

However

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, I vehemently disagree that It has a more adverse effect on

children

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as the

media

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tends to publish things which inspire our young generation.

Submitted by ruznadir on Tue Mar 05 2024

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Grammar & Precision

Be cautious with subject-verb agreement, punctuation, and the use of articles as errors in these areas can hinder clarity. For example, adjust 'It can be seen everywhere how children are debating who is better Ronaldo or Messi and causing rivalries among them' to 'It can be seen everywhere how children debate who is better, Ronaldo or Messi, and cause rivalries among them.'

Cohesion Enhancement

Employ a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance flow and coherence. While your essay uses some linking words effectively, diversifying your range of connectors can improve readability and cohesion. For example, consider using phrases like 'Moreover', 'In addition', 'On the contrary' to smoothly transition between ideas.

Balanced Argument

Ensure a balanced discussion by dedicating equal development to all parts of your argument. While you've presented both sides, further elaboration on each viewpoint could provide a more insightful and comprehensive analysis.

Conclusion Clarity

Work on strengthening your conclusion by summarizing your main points more distinctly and stating your opinion more clearly. A strong conclusion reiterates the discussed points and firmly presents your stance, reinforcing the overall argument.

Vocabulary Expansion

Incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary to express your ideas. While your vocabulary is functional, employing a broader range of expressions and synonyms can enrich your essay and demonstrate your language proficiency. For instance, replace 'detrimental' with 'harmful' or 'adverse' in some instances to exhibit flexibility in language use.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

331 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Celebrity culture
Glamorization
Unrealistic expectations
Self-esteem
Scandals
Role models
Moral development
Mental health
Influence
Exposure
Social media platforms
Charity work
Inappropriate behavior
Perfection image
Negative impact
Inspire children

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Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

in the future all cars will driverless. do advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are required to make people recycle more if their waste?