IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motor-bike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #road #safety #age #car #motor-bike
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Some individuals believe that in order to ensure a safer driving environment, increasing the minimum legal
age
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 for driving a vehicle is the best solution. I disagree with
this
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 statement because young
drivers
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 are not one of the essential
factors
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 that contribute to
road
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safety
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 and there are better solutions.
To begin
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 with, there are other
factors
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 affecting
road
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safety
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.
Although
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 teenage
drivers
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 may cause accidents
due to
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 lack of practice and driving experience, drunk driving and drug driving with unconsciousness could result in serious crashes involving not only injuries but even death.
For instance
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, a vast majority of
drivers
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 who risk themselves driving after drinking alcohol in China recently are reported to be aged between 25 to 40.
Therefore
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, increasing the minimum legal
age
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 cannot eliminate other
factors
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 like self-control and morals contributing to dangerous driving. Considering the
factors
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 mentioned above, there are better ways to ensure
road
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safety
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.
Firstly
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, for all
age
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 groups who start to learn how to drive, the driver’s
license
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 office should increase the duration of getting a full
license
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 to ensure student
drivers
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 gain enough practical experience under a supervisor’s monitor.
For example
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, it takes at least two years for people in BC Canada to be eligible to drive alone,
whereas
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 in China, one can easily get a
license
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 within two months, yet always get criticized as appalling
drivers
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 by other countries.
Furthermore
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, if there was a more stringent penalty for drunk and drug driving,
drivers
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 would consider more before taking irresponsible actions. In conclusion, I believe that increasing the
age
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 restriction for driving motorcycles contributes poorly to the
road
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safety
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 problem since there are other
factors
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 that need to be considered. By introducing stricter rules for getting a
license
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 and penalties with serious consequences, the problem can be addressed more effectively.
Submitted by yuyi981121 on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance your essay's structure and logical flow by clearly linking ideas between paragraphs using a wider range of transitional phrases.
task achievement
In the task response category, ensure to address all parts of the task. While your essay does a good job of explaining why increasing the minimum legal age for driving is not the best solution, developing your arguments with more diverse examples and deeper analysis could further strengthen your position.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, discuss both sides of the argument, even if you clearly agree or disagree with the statement. This will show a thorough understanding of the topic and enhance the depth of your essay.
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