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Band 7

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. Do you agree or disagree?

#libraries #waste #money #computer #technology #functions
In
this
 contemporary era, modern technology has replaced almost everything in
people
's everyday
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Some
people
 argue that paying too much attention to and maintaining public
libraries
 is a waste of money, as the newest computers can replace their functions. Personally, I disagree with that position, as local
libraries
 can contribute to the development of the nation's
culture
.
However
, local
libraries
 are at the heart of the nation's
culture
.
Libraries
, in their own right, mean much more than a place for reading, especially for elderly
people
. Some
people
 prefer to visit the library not only to borrow a book or just to read
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 to interact with other individuals.
For instance
, old-fashioned
people
 still visit the library with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 purpose
to socialize
Change preposition
of socializing
show examples
 with others. Meanwhile,
libraries
 are crucial for some nations.
For instance
, in Bulgaria, all the cultural activities on special days take place in the
libraries
 as a symbol of
culture
.
Furthermore
, modern technology provides a simple and convenient method to find and read a book, but it is not equally accessible to all of society.
For example
, elderly
people
 may not have the basic knowledge to deal with computers and may prefer to read paper-based books. In conclusion, investing in
libraries
 still works because in many countries they are a symbol of
culture
 and a main source of interaction for elderly
people
.
Last
 but not least, it is crucial to have
libraries
 because many older individuals may struggle with basic and modern technology and prefer paper-based books over digital alternatives.
Submitted by yuzgeademova2001 on

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task achievement
Your thesis statement can be more concise. Consider rephrasing it for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Some of your sentences are quite long and would benefit from being split into shorter, clearer sentences.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that provide a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
You offer relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of books
  • promoting literacy
  • community engagement
  • equal access to information
  • digital divide
  • accessibility issues
  • personalized assistance
  • educational programs
  • cultural events
  • safe spaces
  • community meetings
  • tactile experience
  • preserving historical documents
  • important cultural repositories
  • fostering a sense of community
  • communal hubs
  • serene and focused environment
  • conducive to study and reflection
  • irreplaceable value
  • distracted environment
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