IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Buying things on the internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

#internet #books #air #tickets #groceries #outweigh
In the current decade, the
internet
 has possessed almost every aspect of our lives. One of them is shopping. Today, people tend to purchase things more and more on the
internet
 including books, tickets and groceries. The pros of
this
 phenomenon
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 far more than its downfalls
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
this
 method of buying helps
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
time
. It has some pitfalls too, like addiction to buying. Purchasing online can save a vast
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
time
 which is spent on shopping. You
unconsciosly
Correct your spelling
unconsciously
 waste a considerable
time
 on journies to shops and waiting in the reception queues.
For instance
, consider a
ticket purchasing
Add a hyphen
ticket-purchasing
show examples
senario
Correct your spelling
scenario
. For
this
 matter, you have to take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
 going to travel
agancies
Correct your spelling
agencies
.
Then
, you shall wait in a queue
for speaking
Change preposition
to speak
show examples
 to the operator and spend some
time
 coming back home. Adequately, you can comfortably and quickly buy it with only a few clicks through a website at home.
Therefore
, it is a wise
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 to buy goods on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 to save your precious
time
. One downfall mentioned for online shopping is its addictive
property
Fix the agreement mistake
properties
show examples
. Buying goods online is much more effortless and convenient than shopping in person from stores. So, the
enjoy
Replace the word
enjoyment
show examples
 it brings can be addictive and make you demand
for
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
more purchase sessions. It results in a bad habit which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 you
lose
Add the particle
to lose
show examples
 your money over the products you do
noy
Correct your spelling
not
 need.
Hence
, buying on the
internet
 can create an unhealthy habit of
frequenctly
Correct your spelling
frequently
 ordering online.
Overall
, the advantages of shopping on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
overpowers
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 its disadvantages.
This
 approach makes an individual save money,
although
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 has some potential drawbacks like the possibility of addiction. It is predicted that more and more online shops will be established and many industries will shift their marketing strategies to the
internet
.
Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure, with distinct paragraphs, an introduction, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by examples or reasoning.
coherence cohesion
You made a good effort to introduce the topic and provide a conclusion. For a higher score, try to make your introduction and conclusion more impactful by clearly stating your opinion or summarising the main points more succinctly.
coherence cohesion
To better support your main points, expand on your examples by providing more details, context, or explanation. This would make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
task achievement
You've addressed the task by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of shopping online. To enhance your score, ensure that you provide a more balanced view if required by the task and express your opinion more clearly if the question asks for it.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are clearly and comprehensively presented. This may involve deeper analysis of each point and more elaborated examples that are directly relevant to the topic at hand.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of specific, relevant examples to substantiate your points. This helps in illustrating your arguments more vividly and enhancing the persuasive element of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: