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Band 6

Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or a sporting event) Is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#live #performance #play #concert #event #television
There are controversial perspectives heating a debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
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 taking part in a live event can bring more sense of intrigue than watching through a TV screen. From my point of view, I would contend that each of them
have
Change the verb form
has
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own advantages. Without a shadow of a doubt, seeing a vigorous performance directly is a thrilling experience, especially a soccer match since you can clearly feel the enthusiastic atmosphere from other audiences. To be more specific, by cheering or singing the national song, people can raise the spirit of competition burning through every single member. Me and my dad are football-lovers so we frequently look for the tickets of My Dinh Stadium - the most advanced pitch in my city - in order to make our experiences more alive and memorable.
Hence
, joining in a live concert makes more sense of reality and gives a dynamic mood to audiences.
While
 the redeeming features of watching a performance directly are widely acknowledged, It is unfair if those of seeing online are ignored.
Besides
 going to the stadium to enjoy fascinating competitions, I can easily watch them on the Internet through digital equipment
such
 as smartphones or televisions from a far distance.
For example
, the UEFA
Champion
Fix the agreement mistake
Champions
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 League, one of the best soccer tournaments in the world, is usually broadcast on
sporting
Correct pronoun usage
my sporting
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 channels of my TV, so it is quite simple for me to watch my idol - Messi playing.
Thus
, it is a more convenient way to see people's favourite events. In conclusion, not only attending a live concert but
also
 enjoying it online has differently tremendous benefits.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task achievement
Consider a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to directly address the extent to which you agree or disagree. This sets a clear stance for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is distinct from the others. This helps in structuring your essay more effectively for the reader.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, use a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
While providing examples, ensure they directly support your main point in the paragraph. This strengthens your argument's relevance and effectiveness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive experience
  • replicated
  • energy
  • atmosphere
  • sense of community
  • shared excitement
  • unforgettable
  • predictable
  • convenience
  • comfort
  • crowds
  • travel
  • multiple camera angles
  • close-ups
  • replays
  • enhancing
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