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Band 7.5

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#group #students #classroom #home
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It is widely believed that studying in an offline class brings more effective benefits than studying online,
although
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 online courses are becoming popular nowadays. In my opinion, I agree with people who choose to have an offline class in school
instead
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 of an online class at home for two main reasons.
Firstly
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, learning online may affect a learner’s health, especially children’s vision. Prolonged exposure to computers or smartphones causes blood flow to decrease, increases the risk of heart diseases, and leads to nearsightedness
due to
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 blue light from screens.
Furthermore
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, online education can contribute to a decline in teaching quality. Lack of control from teachers,
students
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 can be distracted by their personal activities, so they cannot focus on their lectures.
Consequently
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,
this
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 may bring about a decline in education quality,
thus
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 impacting the country’s development.
In contrast
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, traditional
classes
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 make learners concentrate more on their lessons. With minimal distractions of phone calls, messages, and social network notifications, traditional
classes
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 enhance the effect of learning.
Therefore
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, it can
grow
Verb problem
increase
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 the effect of learning.
Besides
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 that, offline
classes
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 may build up human communication better than online
classes
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. They either create an interaction between teacher and their student or between
students
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 and
students
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,
for instance
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, they can get lunch together to socialise and open up to each other,
therefore
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 getting in-person interaction.
As a result
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, it promotes the development of social skills through communication.
To sum up
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, studying with a group of
students
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 in a classroom brings more positive benefits to learners than online
classes
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by phuongdungnurse on

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Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher score, ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a distinct core idea with clear topic sentences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Integrate more sophisticated linking words and phrases to enhance coherence and the flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more detailed, real-life examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Task Achievement
For an even stronger response, you could briefly mention potential benefits of online learning before explaining why you believe offline learning is superior. This adds depth to your argument.
Introduction/Conclusion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Task Achievement
You successfully addressed the topic with a clear viewpoint expressed throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay displays good logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a cohesive central idea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Collaborative learning
  • Debate
  • Discipline
  • Engagement
  • Feedback loop
  • Peer support
  • Educational resources
  • Adaptive learning
  • Self-motivation
  • Independent study
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual classroom
  • Accessibility
  • E-learning
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