IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Wild animals have no place in 21th century, so protecting them is the waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #place #century #waste #resources
Despite the fact that the world undergoes myriad changes over time, people's lifestyles have dramatically switched during the latter centuries which has affected their attitudes towards other creatures specifically wild
animals
. I fully ignore the view that taking care of these is rather harmful than fruitful. Wild
animals
' existence can be considerably helpful for the whole,
humans
in particular
 for a variety of reasons. Whatever can be seen in nature, whether the wilds or non-wilds even plants have endured threats for numerous centuries which made them gain hard-wearing qualities. These ones are now considered as their characteristics which get abused in the case of eradication of wilds. To give just one example, a turtle’s individual structure of which it takes advantage to protect itself during the appearance of danger would be entirely out of use
while
 the whole body is figured around
this
.
While
humans
 are at the highest level of independence in the hierarchy of all creatures, it is expected to be their ethical responsibility to watch the poor ones.
Furthermore
, how
humans
 react in the case of facing one of their own kind’s disability as preferred behaviour should be extended to others. When it comes to protecting wild
animals
 from dangerous situations,
this
 can be interpreted as community self-help. Considering these heaven-sent parts of the planet as equipment to make equality, disastrous happenings await us if the world becomes devoid of them. In the case of their disappearance, not only we would face plenty of non-wilds which
consequently
 get feed of vegetation, but
also
 the green cover might not handle the global need
according to
 the mentioned increasing plant-eating population.
Thus
, the situation would come to the draught which could lead to unsolvable challenges, in the sense that air pollution which even now places as much necessity as the most problematic global issues could get more uncontainable. Even though folk have stepped forward rapidly
due to
 the prompt progress of technology, wild
animals
' existence is still requisite
in contrast
 which causes
humans
 to have the duty of continuously shielding them.
Submitted by abolfazlmgr on

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task achievement
You established a clear position throughout your response, echoing a balanced viewpoint in the argument for the protection of wildlife. To further solidify your task achievement, ensure every paragraph explicitly contributes to addressing the essay prompt. Integrate a wider range of specific, real-world examples to reinforce your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay exhibits a good degree of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure, and effective paragraphing. However, transitions between ideas can be smoother. To improve, aim to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas within and across paragraphs. Refine the clarity of your topic sentences to ensure each paragraph’s main idea is unmistakable and directly supports your overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ecosystems
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • resilience
  • habitats
  • conservation
  • ecological services
  • pollination
  • water purification
  • carbon sequestration
  • urbanization
  • stewards
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