Problem /Solution Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. -What do you think are the causes of this? - What solution can you suggest?
Nowadays, it is quite alarming in our society the increasing number of people getting sick
due to
stress. It is important that we should also
have time to relax and enjoy life.
Work is one of the causes of the
stress especially if you are in Correct article usage
apply
the
managerial position. Being a Manager plays a significant role Correct article usage
a
of
the restaurant Change preposition
in
that
all of the burden of finances and issues of the operations are your responsibilities. In spite of your day off, you need to give extra hands in time of short of manpower or do extend duty hour Correct word choice
and
everyday
and should be available Replace the word
every day
everytime
to answer calls if Replace the word
every time
someting
Correct your spelling
something
happen
in the store. Change the verb form
happens
For instance
, staying extra hour
for the pending works to be done, being Fix the agreement mistake
hours
pressure
for the monthly quota and handling customer complaints and manpower issues.
Next is Wrong verb form
pressured
Financial
, it is common to all people Replace the word
Finances
that
is
one of the Correct pronoun usage
this is
cause
why we get stress especially if have already our own family and Change to a plural noun
causes
as well as
a breadwinner. It Add a missing verb
is hards
hards
to divide the monthly salary for the bills, house rent, food and transportation allowance and Fix the agreement mistake
hard
then
some unexpected circumstances will happen. Like, accidents of natural disaster
like Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
flood
,, earthquake and Fix the agreement mistake
floods
fire
.
Fix the agreement mistake
fires
Therefore
, Company
should pay attention to the other needs of the Staff. Arrange a team building once a year for staff to have time to relax, enjoy with Correct article usage
the Company
collegues
friends and meet the other departments of the Company. As Correct your spelling
colleagues
well
us provide loans without interest Correct your spelling
will
rate
to help the finances of the staff Fix the agreement mistake
rates
especially
during emergencies.Add the comma(s)
, especially
Submitted by quilisadioanalyn19 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure but could benefit from a more distinct separation between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases to ensure a smoother flow of ideas between each section.
task achievement
Introduce your essay with a stronger thesis statement that directly addresses the causes and solutions to stress-related illnesses. This helps set up your essay for a more focused discussion.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear conclusion that summarizes the causes of stress you've mentioned and reiterates the solutions you suggest. This will give your essay a sense of closure and reinforce your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and aim for more complex grammatical constructions to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly related to the topic of stress and well-being, to enrich your essay and more precisely convey your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
