Some people think children should do extra-classes after school. Others disagree and say they should play sports outside their school hours. What is your opinion on this? Suggest healthy ways for children to develop.

#people #children #extra-classes #school #sports #hours

Many people believe that

children

should study some extra activities after

school

lessons.

On the other hand

, some people disagree with

this

point of view and claim that it would be better for the young generation to play

sports

after their

school

day

. As for me, I side with the latter group of people. First of all, physical activity is really important for

children

's health and development.

According to

current articles I have read,

children

should walk or play some

sports

for at least an hour per

day

However

, during the

school

day

, pupils have to sit in classes for several hours and usually, the physical culture lesson takes place in the

school

timetable only two or three times per week which is obviously not enough.

That is

why it is crucial to organize some extra activities for pupils after their

school

time.

Moreover

, sport helps

children

to develop a wide range of

skills

For example

, my nephew is a member of a junior football team. Playing team

sports

helps him to develop his communication

skills

and learn how to work in a team.

Also

, as a sportsman, he has to build strong discipline and learn how to behave when you win or lose. All these

skills

will definitely help him in his adult life.

To sum up

, playing

sports

outside

school

hours helps not only to raise healthy offspring

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

develops various important

skills

in them. I reckon that pupils study enough during lessons and should free their minds and develop different parts of their bodies after a

school

day

Submitted by nzgvrv on Fri Feb 23 2024

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Task Achievement

Consider expanding your essay by giving specific examples or research findings that affirm the benefits of sports for children, which can strengthen task response.

Task Achievement

Balance the discussion on both viewpoints slightly more, even if your stance is clear, to give an even fuller response to the prompt.

Coherence and Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, integrate transition words or phrases between paragraphs to improve the flow of arguments more seamlessly.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to diversify your sentence structures and vocabulary to make your points more dynamic and engaging.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

complement
curriculum
personalized attention
holistic development
resilience
balanced lifestyle
well-rounded development
faculties
socially adept
creative arts
outdoor exploration
empathetic
adaptable

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Some people think children should do extra-classes after school. Others disagree and say they should play sports outside their school hours. What is your opinion on this? Suggest healthy ways for children to develop.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers and malls to do their shopping. Is it a positive or negative development?

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Success is often measured by wealth and material possessions. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

In some countries, students live at home with their family while they study at university, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do the advantages of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?