Nowadays, even though imprisonment is an efficient solution for preventing crime, education proved to be a more efficient one. Do you agree or disagree?

#imprisonment #crime #education

In the modern era, the number of committed crimes is on an upward movement across all countries. A debate raises many questions about whether locking criminals up or elevating the

education

level of the population can be the most pragmatic solution. It is my contention that

although

imprisonment is a legitimate reaction to a foregone incident, it is

education

that will play a preventive role in fighting criminalism. First and foremost, I totally agree that people who undergo educational background are proven to be less violent and crime-averse in comparison with others.

Education

centres teach students how to distinguish good from bad and

also

be successful individuals in society. To exemplify

this

statement, based on the analysis conducted on different criminal backgrounds, a majority of culprits are either school drop-outs or they never attended in school

education

system before.

Furthermore

, with the help of the

education

system societies can bring up individuals who are equipped with the necessary tools and techniques to stay away from negative affiliations

such

as gang thugs, theft and bribery.

Moreover

, unlike reactive captivation in prisons method to preclude felonies from occurring, academic experience provides a predictable response plan to oversee criminal activities and their trends among them to deduct what they are up to.

For example

, presently, artificial intelligence technology guarantees us access to a private data centre for us to run gap analysis on the population to detect the tendency of younger generations, to keep them out of prison. In conclusion, despite lockup seems like the best option that they could ever pull off, releasing the entire pressure can cause malfunctions during the equipment start.

Submitted by orkhanshamil on Fri Feb 23 2024

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While your essay shows strong coherence and cohesion, using a wider range of linking words could further improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can make your argument even more convincing.

task achievement

Including more specific examples to support your points can also add depth to your argument. Try to incorporate real-life case studies or statistics to substantiate your claims.

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, even though imprisonment is an efficient solution for preventing crime, education proved to be a more efficient one. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Your neighbours have recently written to you to complain about the noise from your houseflat. Write a letter to your neighbours. In your letter, explain the reason for the noise apologise for the noise describe what action you will take

When we meet someone for the first time, we generally decide very quickly what kind of person we think they are and if we like them or not. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

THE WORLD TODAY IS A SAFER PLACE THAN IT WAS A HUNDRED YEARS AGO, AND GOVERNMENT SHOULD STOP SPENDING LARGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY ON THEIR ARMED FORCES. To what extent do you agree.