IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Nowadays, even though imprisonment is an efficient solution for preventing crime, education proved to be a more efficient one. Do you agree or disagree?

#imprisonment #crime #education
In the modern era, the number of committed crimes is on an upward movement across all countries. A debate raises many questions about whether locking criminals up or elevating the
education
 level of the population can be the most pragmatic solution. It is my contention that
although
 imprisonment is a legitimate reaction to a foregone incident, it is
education
 that will play a preventive role in fighting criminalism. First and foremost, I totally agree that people who undergo educational background are proven to be less violent and crime-averse in comparison with others.
Education
 centres teach students how to distinguish good from bad and
also
 be successful individuals in society. To exemplify
this
 statement, based on the analysis conducted on different criminal backgrounds, a majority of culprits are either school drop-outs or they never attended in school
education
 system before.
Furthermore
, with the help of the
education
 system societies can bring up individuals who are equipped with the necessary tools and techniques to stay away from negative affiliations
such
 as gang thugs, theft and bribery.
Moreover
, unlike reactive captivation in prisons method to preclude felonies from occurring, academic experience provides a predictable response plan to oversee criminal activities and their trends among them to deduct what they are up to.
For example
, presently, artificial intelligence technology guarantees us access to a private data centre for us to run gap analysis on the population to detect the tendency of younger generations, to keep them out of prison. In conclusion, despite lockup seems like the best option that they could ever pull off, releasing the entire pressure can cause malfunctions during the equipment start.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance your score, consider further developing your introduction by directly addressing the question of agreement or disagreement. Stating your position clearly from the outset will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay shows strong coherence and cohesion, using a wider range of linking words could further improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can make your argument even more convincing.
task achievement
Including more specific examples to support your points can also add depth to your argument. Try to incorporate real-life case studies or statistics to substantiate your claims.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: