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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problem for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society
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Nowadays,
people
 generally live longer than before
due to
 science, medicines and nutrition foods.
However
, the ageing
population
 is a controversial issue today. On the one hand, many
people
 believe that it has some advantages
such
 as mentoring and a decrease in crime,
on the other hand
, some
people
 think that few drawbacks to the economy of the elderly
population
.
This
 essay will describe the extent to which the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
It is clear that
 elder
people
 are increasing day by day. The biggest benefit of
this
 situation is that older
people
 can do mentorship for younger
people
. Usually, young citizens need a lot of advice about their lives and careers. If the ageing
population
 increases, young
people
 can find useful advice. Another case is criminal issues. Today the world is really dangerous and research has shown that younger humans are more dangerous than older
people
. Because young
people
 have got so many ambitions more than older
people
's. So, because of
this
 statement, if the ageing
population
 rises, criminal issues fall.
On the other hand
, the community which has many older individuals brings some handicaps. The most important
trouble
Correct your spelling
problem
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 is
about
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the economy. Aged humankind generally can not work any jobs.
As a result
 of
this
, Government have to care for these humans.
This
 situation causes economic problems and pressure on governments. Another problem is health care expenses. When
people
 become elderly, they need so much health care, medicine and doctor services. These expenses pressure on government budgets.
To sum up
, taking everything into account, the increasing elderly
population
 has both benefits and drawbacks. But it seems to me that its advantages outweigh its disadvantages. Because of mentorship and decreasing criminal issues.
Submitted by yito18750 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on refining logical flow between paragraphs to improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples to support claims and enhance the argument.
language use
Work on varying sentence structures to improve readability and avoid monotony.
introduction conclusion present
Clear introduction and conclusion effectively outline the topic and provide a summary.
task achievement
Acknowledges both advantages and disadvantages, maintaining balance in the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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