IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly salary

The bar chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly salary
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The bar chart compares the allocation of
families
Use synonyms
' weekly incomes to various types of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 between 1968 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
,
families
Use synonyms
 shifted their lion's share of outcomes from food in 1968, to leisure activities in 2018. In the baseline year,
families
Use synonyms
' food expenses constitute 35% of their
overall
Linking Words
outcome
Use synonyms
, dwarfing the other
expenditure
Use synonyms
 brackets by a significant margin.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the expense for housing is only a mere 10% of the total
outcome
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 differs greatly from households in 2018 that allocated a near 20% of the
outcome
Use synonyms
 only for housing.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, other types of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 were not significant to households in 1968, counting to less than 10 per cent of the total
outcome
Use synonyms
, each. The consumption pattern drastically changed in 2018.
Families
Use synonyms
 are inclined to do various leisure activities, consuming almost 25% of their money.
Expenditure
Use synonyms
 on housing
also
Linking Words
 increased in 2018 to almost 20%. Other expenditures
also
Linking Words
 saw changes over the year, albeit marginally.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words families, expenditure, outcome with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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