Teenagers nowadays spend a huge amount of time on social networking sites (such as Facebook). Some people think that these platforms adversely affect teenagers while others believe students can enjoy much of the network's benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#teenagers #amount #time #sites #facebook #people #platforms #students #network

Nowadays, the number of Internet users and use

time

are increasing rapidly. Some individuals believe that

such

social platforms have negative effects, but others think that most of the network's advantages are accessible to students. The purpose of

this

essay is to discuss both sides of

this

contentious argument and

then

explain why I agree with the former view. On the one hand, social media can bring a host of benefits in

time

spent by juveniles.

Firstly

, students studying abroad can keep

contact

Change preposition

in contact

show examples

with their loved ones. It means that they can keep in touch with their families and friends on a daily basis using the video call features of Zalo, Facebook or various other apps.

Secondly

, social media is

also

a powerful tool for accessing world trends.

For example

, after

Covid-19

Correct article usage

the Covid-19

show examples

pandemic, Students can update information about majors that are in high demand around the world and thereby choose the right career that can receive a high salary in the future

such

as Logistic and Supply Chain Management, Digital Marketing and Information Technology.

On the other hand

, in spite of the advantages given above, it is undeniable that the drawbacks are more significant. The primary reason is that children can access bad things from social networks

and

Correct word choice

which

show examples

will affect their mental health. To illustrate, there is false or depraved information on Facebook that will affect reader’s psychology, especially teenagers.

Furthermore

, when juveniles spend all their

time

on social networking, they will have deleterious health effects. More and more teenagers have suffered

obesity

Change preposition

from obesity

show examples

and eyesight problems, which has been attributable to more

time

spending

Replace the word

spent

show examples

on social media. In conclusion,

while

social networking sites bring some advantages, I still believe that it will have some detrimental effects on everyone.

Submitted by ngocthuykatie on Sat Feb 24 2024

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task achievement

Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. While you've done well, make it even clearer by directly stating your position at the beginning to guide the reader.

task achievement

Develop your arguments with more diverse and sophisticated language. While your essay is well-supported, employing a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures will enhance clarity and engagement.

coherence cohesion

Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. You've done an excellent job ordering your ideas, but make sure every paragraph flows smoothly to the next with appropriate transition words.

coherence cohesion

In your conclusion, succinctly summarize the main points before stating your opinion. This reaffirms your stance and provides a strong finish to the essay. Though you've concluded well, slightly stricter adherence to this structure might enhance the impact.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Teenagers nowadays spend a huge amount of time on social networking sites (such as Facebook). Some people think that these platforms adversely affect teenagers while others believe students can enjoy much of the network's benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

nowadays, people are purchasing too many unnecessary goods. how it influences individuals and society? is it a negative or positive development?

Despite the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil or brush. What are the reasons for this? Is the decline in writing by hand a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.