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Band 3

It mustbe a woman who stays at home to care for children. men are not suited to this kind of work. to what extent do you agree or disag ree with this statement

#mustbe #woman #home #care #children #men #work #disag #ree
In
past
Add an article
the past
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 decade, the
beliefs
Fix the agreement mistake
belief
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 of people
is
Wrong verb form
has been that
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Correct article usage
a Mother
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Mother
Change noun form
Mother's
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duties
Fix the agreement mistake
duty
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 is to take care
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 kids and do household chores
while
father
Add an article
the father
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will provide
Wrong verb form
provides
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 the financial needs of the family. I strongly disagree
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 as nowadays, girls and boys are equal in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Anything boys
capable
Add a missing verb
are capable
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to do
Change preposition
of doing
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, girls can able to do too.
Womens
Correct your spelling
Women
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 now are strong and independent, in
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they become successful
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their career
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own.
In addition
, a lot of single mothers can able to manage to provide
Change preposition
for the
show examples
the
Change the word
their
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 needs and do all the means they can without the father's support to have a
childs
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child's
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 bright future.
In addition
,
their
Replace the word
there
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 are
womens
Correct your spelling
women
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 who became
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
President of the country whilst
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 became successful
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their business. Parents should be helping each other whether it would be about finances or anything about the family matter.
For instance
, in
Correct article usage
the Phillipines
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Phillipines
Correct your spelling
Philippines
 both parents are working
due to
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 cost of living and
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
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 of the father is not enough for the monthly expenses.
Therefore
, it is paramount that men have a knowledge of how to take care of kids
due to
 not all the time women are there on
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 side.
Submitted by quilisadioanalyn19 on

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Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear position throughout the response, aligning well with the task requirement of discussing the suitability of men for child care and household responsibilities. However, it would benefit from a more nuanced argument that reflects on both sides of the debate before concluding. This approach can enhance the depth of the essay and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a smoother flow of ideas between paragraphs by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the readability and coherence of your essay. Consider employing transitional phrases more strategically to connect your main points more clearly to your overall argument.
Task Achievement
Avoid generalizations and strive for specificity in your examples. Citing specific instances or studies can significantly strengthen your argument by demonstrating real-world applications of your points. Additionally, ensure your examples directly support your main argument to maintain relevance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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