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Writing Samples
Band 6

Young people today tend to have an unhealthy lifestyle than in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is opined by some
people
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 that youngsters nowadays are keen on having an unhealthier way of living than it used to be.
This
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 author believes in
this
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 point of view and thinks that the development of technology contributes to an important act in
this
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 case. It is important to accept that technology has a big impact on the youth nowadays. Youngsters and teenagers are keen on watching videos, and sharing drama links
instead
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 of doing exercises or face-to-face chatting with friends – which was the only way to talk before message apps were invented.
As a consequence
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, they lost most of their relationships in their real life,
such
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 as next-door class friends, and just kept most of their gaming friends. So, in lieu of sitting on the sofa 8 hours a day in summer, youths should learn how to speak fluently to relatives in real life, not in games and social media apps. Another vital element that makes children, especially teenagers, lead an unhealthy lifestyle is the food diet. It can be easily claimed that the food now is more “junkie” than it used to be.
As a result
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, junk foods everywhere afflict the young generations with the crunchy, tasty feel on their tongues, and
this
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 may cause heart attacks, high blood pressure and some diseases like obesity, the diseases that just common in the elderly, not in Gen-Z
people
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. Not only changing the way they communicate
,
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, but
show examples
young
people
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 should
also
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 go on a diet in order to not get any pain in their chest too early. In conclusion, the development of technology and the fast food industry are really harmful to children and teenagers.
Therefore
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, it can be claimed that young
people
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 today really tend to lead an unhealthy lifestyle than in the past.

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task achievement
Be sure to clearly present your main argument in the introduction with a thesis statement that summarises your opinion on the topic. This helps readers understand your stance from the beginning.
task achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly by providing specific examples and data where possible. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating more coherent and cohesive paragraphs. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea you will discuss. Following sentences should directly support this idea.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make your arguments easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Remember to include a concluding paragraph that summarises your main points and restates your thesis in light of the argument presented. This gives your essay a strong ending.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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