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Band 6

If old people are no longer physically, mentally or financially able to look after themselves, younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting them.

#people #members
It is commonly argued that we must be obliged or compelled to look after our elderly family
members
 who can no longer support themselves.
While
 it seems a necessity, I do not agree with
this
 idea for several reasons. On the one hand, there are two main reasons why younger generations should support their older family
members
.
Initially
, to return the love and positive emotions they may have given us during our lifetime and to compensate for all they have done for us, it’s highly precious and valuable to help them when they cannot look after themselves anymore.
Furthermore
, they are a considerable part of the society.
Consequently
, providing emotional support at the same time as supporting financially and physically will lead to a far more blissful and prosperous society.
However
, it could be unnecessary and irrational to introduce a law and impose an obligation to look after aged relatives.
Firstly
, it's against the individual's freedom, which is the foundation of democracy, to force
people
 to even care for their family
members
.
This
 might act as counterproductive and build up resentment feeling among the
members
 of a family.
Secondly
, the hustle and bustle of the big cities lifestyle force
people
 to work overtime;
therefore
, they have less time to communicate with the
members
 of their immediate family.
This
 is
due to
people
's tendency to have a higher quality and standard of life compared to past generations.
Lastly
, it is not reasonable to punish younger generations for neglecting their parents.
Also
, the elderly
people
 wouldn't consent if their younger family
members
 were punished. In conclusion,
although
 helping older relatives can be considered valuable, I’m against the idea that
people
 should be forced to look after them.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider structuring your essay more effectively by ensuring a clear division between individual paragraphs for each main point, and by refining the connectivity between ideas for better flow.
Task Response
Introduce your essay more comprehensively by clearly stating your opinion and summarizing the key points that will be discussed. This helps the reader understand your stance and sets the expectation for your argument.
Task Response
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This strengthens your position and makes your point more convincing to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating a stronger, more impactful conclusion that neatly wraps up your essay, reiterates your main points, and clearly restates your stance on the issue. This provides closure and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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