IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Write about the following topic: Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#topic #computers #invention #years #minutes
Looking back one hundred years, people have recognized
computers
 as one of the most remarkable inventions of the human being. I believe
this
 technology has, indeed, been a turning point in our lives within a social and educational frame, becoming one of the most striking creations of our society. The first point to consider is that
computers
 have connected people from all over the world. Big companies have developed online platforms which have driven the connection between countries regardless of their geography, culture, religion and economic status.
As a result
, governments can work hand in hand in tackling challenges of global concern.
For instance
, the political conflict between Ukraine and Russia is being assisted by EU countries who are planning helpful strategies to
shortened
Wrong verb form
shorten
show examples
 their war period.
This
 couldn´t be possible without the social connection
computers
 provide us. A
further
 consideration is that
accessing
Change the form of the verb
access
show examples
 to higher education has been revolutionized worldwide. Universities have bet on technology as a new method of teaching, providing students with online platforms where they can access updated and accurate information written by experts.
Consequently
,
this
 approach has reduced the tuition fees of universities, preventing families from facing
unrealistc
Correct your spelling
unrealistic
 costs associated with third-level education.
For example
, edX is an online resource created by Harvard University and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
MIT which provides affordable courses for people to deepen their expertise in any field they are into. The flip side would have been attending the courses in a face-to-face modality,
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 the prices thousands and thousands of dollars.
However
, it´s true that teaching online can be more superficial than studying in a classroom.
Overall
,
computers
 have changed positively the way our society works from a social and educational perspective.
This
 invention has connected all countries improving their coordination and enriching their populations with affordable, updated and accurate knowledge.
Submitted by r.garciaplez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your response is comprehensive and directly addresses the task statement, explaining thoroughly the importance of computers over the past century. To enhance your response, consider explicitly discussing to what extent you agree or disagree in a more pronounced manner throughout the essay. Make it clear whether you completely agree, somewhat agree, or disagree to strengthen your thesis.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with clear logic that guides readers smoothly from one point to another. However, you could further strengthen your cohesion by using a wider variety of linking phrases and conjunctions to connect ideas within paragraphs more clearly. This will enhance the overall flow and make it easier for the reader to follow your line of thought.
Task Achievement
The essay contains relevant and specific examples, such as the EU's involvement in the Ukraine-Russia conflict and the example of edX created by Harvard and MIT, which illustrate the key points effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-developed and provide a clear framework for the essay's arguments. They effectively introduce and round off the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Revolutionized
  • Productivity
  • Efficiency
  • Integration
  • Transform
  • Facilitating
  • Instant connections
  • Expand
  • Geographical barriers
  • Research and data analysis
  • Vast amounts of data
  • Privacy concerns
  • Digital divide
  • Dependency on technology
  • Interconnectedness
  • Innovations
  • Discoveries
  • Contention
  • Significant inventions
  • Accelerating the pace
What to do next:
Look at other essays: