IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that money is the major source of happiness in life. do you strongly agree or disagree?

#people #money #source #happiness #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are those who argue that influential living has 4 fundamental issues, no matter how life is , There is one thing that motivates humanity's happiness. From the individual perspective, I mostly agree that the majority of happiness is sourced by wages. The first obvious advantage is that our well-being brings a variety of resources and healthcare conditions for our lives inextricably, Most of these are exchanged by payment. wealth allows our families to access convenient facilities.
Due to
 the fact that they fulfil basic needs, buying is an action to get the goods back.
However
, it may be essential to trigger the community to be satisfied with spending cash.
For example
, the more quality products the population demands, the higher the price society wastes. for better well-being.
Secondly
, the healthcare system is better for everyone to relieve any disease or get the prevention of shortage of live
instead
 longer live. Another point to consider is job satisfaction, as the higher salaries with the higher position. These opportunities totally encourage the nation to educate as much as they attempt.
As a result
, the company would be able to increase its income, resulting in financial support. Happiness mostly depends on how much the public is satisfied and the significant role it plays in maintaining our well-being. Even though income represents the status of the workers, their lifestyle might be changed in better ways. No one should be serious about the major of
this
 source. In conclusion,
while
 the property can be beneficial for the source of life, the family is the one never forgotten deep heart to replace with others purely. The family is the true of love which is generated by a warm heart without buying. They totally provide financial support, and always take care without requiring anything
Submitted by sasinipapj on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, ensure you fully respond to the prompt by clearly stating your position and consistently addressing it throughout the essay. Use more specific, relevant examples to support your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, aim for a logical structure by making sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within it directly support that idea. Improve transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: