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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
In today's world,
due to
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 rapid advancements in technology and engineering, a
broad
Correct word choice
wide
show examples
 variety of
travel
Use synonyms
 methods has emerged, making international and domestic transit more accessible than ever before.
Consequently
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,
while
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this
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 increase in accessibility presents certain drawbacks for popular tourist destinations, I believe that the economic and social advantages significantly outweigh the disadvantages.
Body paragraph 1
One major advantage of global
travel
Use synonyms
 is the facilitation of cultural exchange. By immersing themselves in foreign traditions,
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 cultivate crucial values like mutual respect
while
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 acquiring cultural insights.
For instance
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, observing the glassblowing techniques on the island of Murano in Venice offers visitors direct insight into Italian craftsmanship,
whereas
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 exploring landmarks
such
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 as the Parthenon in Greece highlights the historical roots of Western
civilization
Change the spelling
civilisation
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, tourism provides a major boost to local economies. Many countries,
such
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 as Thailand and the Maldives, rely heavily on international tourists as a main source of income.
This
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 influx of visitors creates numerous jobs in hotels, transport, and shops. In Bali,
for example
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, local vendors see a big rise in sales during busy seasons as tourists purchase handmade goods, sample local dishes, and book tours to iconic cultural landmarks like the Uluwatu Temple.
Body paragraph 3
Nevertheless
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, easier
travel
Use synonyms
 access
also
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 carries severe ecological consequences. Famous historic cities like Amsterdam struggle with extreme over-tourism, resulting in severe noise pollution, littering, and the displacement of local residents. On a broader scale, aviation contributes to global carbon emissions, furthering climate change.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 increased
travel
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 accessibility undeniably fosters cultural understanding and drives economic growth, it simultaneously presents severe environmental challenges. If nations do not implement eco-friendly
travel
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 practices
such
Linking Words
 as strict visitor limits and green fuels, these issues will continue to threaten the ecosystems.

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task response
Your view is clear: the good points are greater than the bad points. To make this even stronger, say more directly why the good points are greater, not only that they are important. For example, explain why jobs and cultural learning have a wider or longer effect than the harm.
task response
Your main ideas fit the question well. The examples are useful, but the first body paragraph has two examples that both show cultural learning. You could use one example and add more explanation of how this learning helps people and countries.
task response
The last paragraph gives good ideas for action, but it could link more clearly to your main view. State that these steps can cut the harm while keeping the main good points of travel.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: opening, two good points, one bad point, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The links between paragraphs are clear, especially with words such as "Furthermore" and "Nevertheless." You can make the link to the final paragraph smoother by starting with a short summary of why the good points still win.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas could flow more naturally inside paragraphs. After each example, add one short sentence that explains exactly how it proves the main point. This will make the line of thought even clearer.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
Your points about cultural learning, jobs, and harm to the land are relevant and well chosen.
task response
The examples from Murano, Bali, Amsterdam, and air travel are clear and help make your ideas real.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main focus, so the reader can follow your ideas without difficulty.
coherence and cohesion
The ending returns to the main points and gives a useful way to deal with the bad effects.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • boost local economies
  • cultural exchange
  • mutual understanding
  • environmental degradation
  • deforestation
  • overcrowding
  • commodification
  • authentic cultural experiences
  • revenue
  • perspective
  • globalization
  • sustainable tourism
  • heritage sites
  • local customs
  • appreciation of diversity
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