In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

Crime

is on the rise everywhere in the world. Whether it's a straightforward grab-and-run or a sophisticated bank heist. To improve everyone's quality of life on Earth, it is critical to comprehend why and how

crime

could be prevented.

According to

research, teens often mimic one another's

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

—whether it's good or wrong—in an effort to blend in with their surroundings. The incorrect educational system is one of the main causes of the rising

crime

rate. A child who is not receiving the proper education may grow up to commit

crimes

, which often begin with simple

offenses

Change the spelling

offences

show examples

like bullying a classmate. If a child is not properly trained,

this

could result in more serious

crimes

like shoplifting or even murder. All of these

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

, though, may be properly taught. They will need to learn the proper method from both their parents and teachers. not condoning theft or bullying. They might

also

start a campaign to help charitable organizations so that they continue to behave in a way that benefits the community. The main factor contributing to the rise in

crime

rates may be physiological

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

. Researchers discovered that those who see frequent violent activities are more likely to be aggressive than those who don't. With

this

knowledge, one of the main causes for the rise in

crimes

like assault, robbery, and murder may be identified. These factors should not be taken lightly. Films with more violent parts should be warned not to try them at home or should be recommended to be seen with an adult.

Additionally

watershed

Fix the agreement mistake

watersheds

show examples

and censorship of really violent sequences that can make someone more hostile should be implemented. In summary, a lack of educational concerns, incorrect teaching of children, and aggressive psychological

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

that may result in violent

crimes

are the main causes of the rising

crime

rate.

Nonetheless

, there are ways to stop these actions,

such

as by imparting knowledge on how to appropriately edit any violent movie sequences.

Submitted by sasinipapj on Sat Feb 24 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

To improve your essay's coherence and cohesion, consider using a greater variety of linking words and phrases to clearly connect your ideas. Additionally, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. This will help your essay flow more logically and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

Task Achievement

For task achievement, ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the prompt. While your essay discusses the causes of crime and how to deal with them, providing more specific examples and solutions would strengthen your argument. Engage with the prompt more deeply by exploring a wider range of causes and offering more detailed, practical solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

324 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

economic disparity
propensity
recidivism
deterrent
rehabilitative
judicial system
corruption
socioeconomic
alienation
stigmatization
decriminalization
enforcement
gentrification
preemptive measures
intervention strategies

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In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force such as the army while others think women are not suitable for this kind of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweight the disadvantages?

Writing Practice. Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. What are the possible causes of this trend, and what solutions would be effective in reducing crime levels?

Some people think that newspapers are the best way to learn news. However, other believes that they can learn new better through other media. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that a high tax on unhealthy food is the best way to improve people’s eating habits. Others think that this is not an effective solution. What is your view?