IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, governments should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #quality #governments #money #projects
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Many citizens hold the view that it is wasteful for the government to invest
money
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 in artistic projects as they do not enhance the lives of individuals. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with
this
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 perspective and I believe that
art
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 and
music
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 are essential for the well-being and development of society. On the one hand, those who oppose allocating
money
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 to artistic works have several reasons to justify their position. They assert that
music
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 and painting do not really contribute to the development of their country.
Hence
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, the government should not prioritize developing
art
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 over more urgent issues
such
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 as improving the nation’s infrastructures, addressing pollution problems and enhancing national security.
On the other hand
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, I believe that painting and
music
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 can improve the quality of life for
people
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.
This
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 is because
art
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 and
music
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 are part of life, they bring joy to society and add vibrancy and diversity to culture.
For example
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,
music
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 festivals can connect
people
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 by singing and dancing together, and they can help entertain them after a long working day.
Moreover
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, students can have a better understanding of historical events by visiting
art
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 exhibitions; they can
also
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 gain valuable knowledge about the artists who painted these events and their unique
art
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 styles.
Furthermore
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, it is important that governments should invest
money
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 in artistic projects. By doing so, they can create more employment opportunities for those who are interested in the artistic field, so these
people
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 can significantly contribute to culture and tourism.
For instance
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, the country will have more income from foreign visitors, it will become well-known for its national cultural identity and experience increasing prosperity.
To sum up
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, despite the negative viewpoint that some
people
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 have on the artistic field, I assert that it is the right thing for the government to spend
money
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 on
art
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 and
music
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 for better living standards, as they can develop the tourism sector and bring happiness to society.
Submitted by weezel on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay exhibits a clear and logical structure, and that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented. The introduction should provide a clear indication of your position on the topic, and the conclusion should effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with specific and relevant examples. Your essay should not only state your position but also support it with detailed evidence and illustrations.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by providing a clear response to the prompt. Ensure that your position is relevant to the prompt and is maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
Present clear, comprehensive ideas to build an argument. Aim for depth over breadth, fully exploring the implications of each point raised.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument. Examples should clearly support the ideas and enhance the reader's understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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