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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives. But few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem and how to overcome it?

#people #aim #balance #work #lives
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Owning a perfect
life
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balance
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 in both
work
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 and daily routine is always a dream for everyone, but fewer people achieve
this
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 goal. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons, and
then
Linking Words
 describe the solutions to the problems in the following paragraphs. With the rise of the high living standard, people's motivations for enhancing
life
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also
Linking Words
 grow up, which contributes to an increase in expenses,
as a result
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, people need to
work
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 more to get more salary for purchasing. Take my colleague as an example,
in addition
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 to a full-time job, she
also
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 works a second job on the weekends, owing to her wanting to buy a luxury car as a transport
instead
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 of taking a simple walk.
Subsequently
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, without enough relaxation and having long-time
work
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, she got a bad living quality. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem, individuals need to minimize desires and learn how to get fulfilment through already owning things, and
then
Linking Words
work
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-time will return to normal accompanied by a satisfied living.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, working overtime is definitely supposed to play an essential part in breaking the
balance
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 between
work
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 and everyday living. It is true that
due to
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 a lack of home time, an increasing number of individuals are suffering from both mental and physical problems, leading to a poor value of living.
For instance
Linking Words
, my dad used to be a workaholic, who worked 16 hours a day every day, resulting in a lack of sleep, and
further
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 had an impact on his health. Even though he had a great performance on his job, he struggled with health problems and lost his wellness living.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the problem could be addressed by reducing working time to average hours, and once the time is twisted into normal, a better
life
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 has come.
To sum up
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, achieving a
balance
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 between
work
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 and personal
life
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 can be challenging, but it is essential for a happy
life
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. In my opinion, if individuals can manage their workload or reduce their emotional wants, it becomes easier to strike a
balance
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 between
work
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 and personal
life
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.
Submitted by Chloe on

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task achievement
Focus on developing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to directly address the essay prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance paragraph transitions to ensure a smoother flow of ideas throughout the essay, promoting better coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Introduce a wider range of linking devices and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to improve cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Aim for a more varied sentence structure to enrich the textual quality and reader engagement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance: the equilibrium between one's job responsibilities and personal life.
  • Overwork: working too hard or for excessive amounts of time.
  • Remote work: working from a location other than the central work office, often from home.
  • Flexible working hours: work hours that are adaptable to suit an employee's needs.
  • Commuting: traveling between one's home and workplace.
  • Digital technology: electronic tools and systems used to generate, store, and process data, often leading to increased connectivity.
  • Disconnect: to detach from technology or work communications, often to establish boundaries.
  • Time management: the ability to use one's time effectively or productively.
  • Prioritize: to determine the order for dealing with tasks according to their importance.
  • Employer support: programs or practices employed by an organization to assist employees in managing work and personal roles.
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