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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#children #parents #part #time #job
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A lot of parents encourage their
children
 to take a part-
time
 position during their leisure
time
. In
this
 essay, I will explain why the benefits of a part-
time
job
 overshadow the potential drawbacks.
On the other hand
, getting involved in part-
time
 employment could present two challenges for
children
.
Firstly
, it may distract them from their studies, as they may usually get overwhelmed with their
job
 responsibilities. To illustrate, because of a heavy workload, it is probable that they will end up devoting little to no
time
 to their studies or even completely ignoring their school assignments.
As a result
, they may face difficulty keeping up with digesting what they have learned, which could potentially lead to worse academic performance.
Secondly
,
children
 might have a lack of
time
 even if they can maintain the right balance between their school activities and work life, considering that
children
 normally spend around seven to eight hours at school. Because of
this
, they will probably have limited freedom to explore their non-academic interests, spend
time
 with their family and friends, or even have personal
time
.
Such
 poor work-life balance could jeopardise their physical and mental well-being.
On the other hand
, I would argue that having a part-
time
job
 offers more benefits for
children
. It enables
children
 to gain experience outside their studies, which can be valuable to them at a later stage in life.
For example
, by being exposed to a real work environment, they can get the chance to learn a number of skills
such
 as
time
 management, communication, and personal responsibility.
As a result
, they can easily obtain their dream jobs since most companies nowadays prefer employees who have numerous experiences.
Furthermore
, having a part-
time
job
 means that
children
 can earn a salary. As they learn to do some non-academic activities, they can not only help reduce their parents’ financial burden, but they can
also
 learn about improving their soft skills, which are extremely important for their future.
Submitted by karelrenaldi8 on

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introduction conclusion present
Consider including a brief conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed in the essay. This will provide a satisfying closure to your arguments and increase clarity for the reader.
logical structure
While your points are logically structured, further improving the connection between your paragraphs can heighten coherence. Using more transitional phrases can aid in this.
complete response
The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of part-time work for children, making a clear argument that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided are relevant and add weight to the arguments made, particularly in the discussion about the benefits of real-world experience.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • punctuality
  • work ethic
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • time management
  • work experience
  • career prospects
  • independence
  • self-esteem
  • communication
  • interpersonal skills
  • academic responsibilities
  • school performance
  • hobbies
  • relaxation
  • well-being
  • stress
  • fatigue
  • premature adulthood
  • childhood experiences
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