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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environments, such as the South pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#scientists #tourists #travel #environments #pole #development
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It is true that in the contemporary , people who are scientists and tourists can travel and explore natural environments, like the South Pole.
Although
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this
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 has several disadvantages, the benefits may be far more significant. On the one hand, there can be some minor disadvantages of travelling to distant places. One possible issue is that the development of
tourism
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 results in
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a lot of visitors who
come
Wrong verb form
coming
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 to these natural
environmentsenvironment
Correct your spelling
environments
. If they have low awareness, they will throw much rubbish in those places. The government can spend enough money cleaning on a regular basis, so
this
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 destroys the natural
environment
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. Another detrimental effect could be that
tourism
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 develops in the wild
environment
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, there are many wild
tourism
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 projects invaded by visitors. They tease wild animals and make noise, which makes wild animals scared and affects their health. They can be stressful and aggressive. Example for, after many monkeys living near wild tourist
areas
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 had been harassed and teased by travellers, they became stressed and often sick.
Nevertheless
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, traveling in spot rare
environment
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 can have major advantages which overshadow these negative impacts. The most obvious benefit could be that the development of
tourism
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 in remote
areas
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 helps local people trade. The economy in these
areas
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 can develop. Example for, because
tourism
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 develops in the mountain
areas
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 in Vietnam, the local people can have a stable income with food, drink, and souvenirs.
As a result
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, they escape poverty.Another merit worth mentioning is that the natural
environment
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 in these
areas
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 can be protected by the government. Because
tourism
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 develops in remote
areas
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, the state cares mổe about preserving the natural
environment
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 to create beautiful landscapes that attract many tourists. The government encourages the public to take care of the natural
environment
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.
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coherence cohesion
Try to emphasize a more structured approach to your essay. Start with a clear introduction, follow up with body paragraphs that focus on one main idea each, and conclude by summarizing your points. This will enhance the logical flow and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should succinctly outline the essay's direction, and the conclusion should summarize your key points. This approach frames your essay well and helps with overall clarity.
task achievement
To score higher in task achievement, aim for a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages. Ensure your ideas are not only clear but also comprehensive—they should cover a range of aspects related to the question. Try to introduce a wider variety of examples to support your points, making your argument more robust.
task achievement
Enhance the support for your main points by incorporating a variety of examples and evidence. While you provided some examples, additional, more diverse examples could make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
general
Review your essay for grammatical errors and unclear sentences. Improving your language accuracy and clarity will not only make your argument more understandable but also more compelling to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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