Some people believe that zoos are cruel so that they should be closed. However, some people hold the belief that these place are actually in terms of animal protection. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #zoos #belief #place #terms #protection

In the modern world, there are many species of animal and the zoo is the place for protecting them from threats.

However

, some arguments suggest that

zoos

are drawbacks for the creatures. In my opinion, I personally agree with the first idea.

This

essay will explain both arguments and provide my ideas.

To begin

with, keeping

animals

zoos

has many advantages.

Firstly

, the majority purpose of

zoos

is animal protection from their predators or from human hunts.

For example

, keeping elephants in the zoo.

Secondly

, solving extinction problems in some species. In the case of pandas in

china

Capitalize word

China

show examples

, they keep many

Change preposition

apply

show examples

panda in the zoo for breeding.

Lastly

zoos

can be easy for many researchers to research. Because they have a lot of animal habitats.

In contrast

, some people argue that

zoos

are cruel to

animals

. Because of many reasons. First of all, they think it's brutal entertainment when using

animals

for acting.

For example

lask the rope on the horse's body.

Moreover

, in the show, many

zoos

have a lot of accidents with their

animals

. At

such

crocodile shows in Thailand, many performers have had their crocodiles bitten. It is a violent accident. Which is the result of keeping

animals

in jail and that increases the stress of

animals

To conclude

, it is undeniable that

zoos

have many impacts on many creatures in the world. Because protecting them from predators

also

regenerates a number of species by breeding them. I personally believe that

zoos

if they are

manged

Correct your spelling

managed

show examples

well and organised can serve numerous advantages for

animals

Submitted by kungslowjam on Sun Feb 25 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear introduction that outlines the essay's structure and a conclusion that summarises the main points and states your position clearly.

coherence cohesion

Develop paragraphs with a clear main idea and supporting sentences that directly relate to this idea to enhance the logical structure of the essay.

task achievement

Include a more balanced discussion by dedicating equal development to both viewpoints before stating your own opinion to fully complete the task.

task achievement

Integrate a wider variety of specific examples to support your arguments. Try to ensure these examples are relevant and clearly illustrate your point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

260 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

conservation
endangered species
breeding programs
reintroduction efforts
educational resources
psychological stress
naturalistic habitats
veterinary care
enrichment activities
stringent regulations

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