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Band 4

"Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspapers and TV has bad influences, so this kind of information should be restricted in the media." Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion.

#people #description #newspapers #tv #influences #information #media
There is no different type of objective fact that
this
statement
 about some
people
 thinking the detailed criminal
description
Fix the agreement mistake
descriptions
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 newspapers and TV
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 bad influences is prevalent in our reality
becuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of its importance. Most
people
 agree with
this
statement
 because of its many benefits. Some of the
people
 highlight its
disadvantege
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
disadvantages
. I would like to discuss about the
advantages
 and the
disadvantages
 of the
statament
Correct your spelling
statement
 in my next
paragraphes
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
paragraph
. Describe the different
types
 of
advanteges
Correct your spelling
advantages
 I would like to mention the first and foremost advantage which is more important information that
people
 can get during their days from TV or newspapers.
Another
Replace the adjective
Another advantage
Other advantages
show examples
advantages
 that might to come mind
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 might be the news that
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
people
 need to get from TV, newspapers and
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other social media. So, there are many different
types
 of
advantages
 that we can describe now but I would like to discuss my next paragraph. On the darker side of the
statement
Add a comma
statement,
show examples
 there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
different
types
 of
disadvantages
 that make it problematic and worrying. I would like to mention two
disadvantages
. First is the problem when that criminal news can read children.
Second,
there are causes of different
types
 of other problems for criminals. T think there are many shortcomings of
this
 kind and we can discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
this
statemant
Correct your spelling
statement
 all the time. Now I want to speak about my
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
. Concluding the above
statement
, neither its negative nor the positive sides can be ignored. In my opinion, the positive and the negative sides are mixed processes in our life that follow each other and they should be considered more generalized.
Therefore
, I remain of the opinion that it is not necessary to ignore the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 and to outline their impact in reality
Submitted by zohrab-gevorgyan on

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Task Achievement
Focus on creating a clear thesis statement in your introduction, stating your opinion clearly. This will help guide your reader through your argument and improve task achievement.
Task Achievement
Develop your paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details. Providing specific examples will strengthen your argument and improve clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a logical flow of ideas by organizing paragraphs effectively and using transitional phrases. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Task Achievement and Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion should summarize the key points of your essay and restate your opinion in a clear manner. This reinforces your stance and provides closure.
General Advice
Pay attention to correct grammar and punctuation to improve overall readability and impact of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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