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Writing Samples
Band 6

In the 21st century, many women have come out of their home to become what we call working women. What are the advantages and disadvantages of women doing work?

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In the contemporary world, females have gained popularity in professional careers.
While
Linking Words
 economic help for her family and for society's improvement
are
Change the verb form
is
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 the advantages,
Use synonyms
Work -life
Add a hyphen
Work-life
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 balance and more health issues are the disadvantages for a working woman.
To begin
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 with, the primary benefit is additional financial support. In a family, both working parents make more money to bear the household expenses. To illustrate
further
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 , in many cases,
women
Use synonyms
 save
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 salary for their kid's future education and spend only men's payments to run the house.
Nevertheless
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, the active role of
women
Use synonyms
 supports society
also
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. Working
women
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 are involved in social
work
Use synonyms
 and come forward to help needy
women
Use synonyms
. Moving toward the disadvantages,
while
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 working
women
Use synonyms
 feel socially and economically strong, many times they face tough situations to make
work
Use synonyms
 and life balance. To cite an example, after the job,
women
Use synonyms
 need to take care of the home, husband and kids.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they feel stressed sometimes.
Moreover
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,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the working environment, employee needs to be
act ive
Correct your spelling
active
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 all day. Many companies working hours are longer than 8 hours.
Consequently
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, the risk of health issues is much higher.
For instance
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, a teacher's job is required long hours of standing in class, which leads to them higher chance of back pain or leg pain. In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages for working
women
Use synonyms
 . they need to make a balance in life and
work
Use synonyms
 and focus on their health as well. Many
women
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 suffer
at
Change preposition
in
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 their old age because of too much
work
Use synonyms
 done earlier stage.
Hence
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, it is their personal choice
depends
Correct pronoun usage
that depends
show examples
 on their need.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay by clearly grouping advantages and disadvantages and exploring each thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Include a brief introduction that outlines the points you will discuss, and a conclusion that summarizes your argument and reflects upon the broader implications.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or further explanation to strengthen your argument and provide a more in-depth analysis.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that you provide a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages, and ensure your conclusion clearly states your own viewpoint based on the discussions presented.
task achievement
Use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to articulate ideas clearly and with variation, which enriches the essay and engages the reader.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to add weight to your arguments, ensure that these examples are relevant and clearly illustrate the point you are making.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic independence
  • Workforce
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Innovation
  • Dual-income
  • Work-life balance
  • Gender pay gap
  • Glass ceiling
  • Stress management
  • Traditional family roles
  • Dual burden
  • Career progression
  • Professional opportunities
  • Financial stability
  • Empowerment
  • Child-rearing
  • Societal expectations
  • Maternity leave
  • Gender roles
  • Occupational segregation
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