IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, there is a debate over whether the prevalent
crimes
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 stem from the circumstances of criminals or their bad intuition and beliefs. In
this
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 essay, I will try to discuss both sides and give my perspective on
this
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 issue.
To begin
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 with, there are some scientific studies that claim
people
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's nature can affect their social manners and attitudes. In that respect, some
people
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 tend to have more potential to commit
crimes
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.
For example
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, statistical studies reveal that criminals share some specific genes that can be considered as the source of criminal actions.
On the other hand
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, it is a scientific fact that not all intuitive things can turn into our behaviour. The environment can play a pivotal role in our choice of actions.
Furthermore
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, education has a crucial effect on future deeds and can be an effective hindrance in committing
crimes
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.
For instance
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, children who have risen up in poverty and were deprived of being instructed and educated are more prone to errors and
crimes
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. The next factor involved in
people
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's motivation toward committing a crime is their economic status.
For example
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, in societies with a large gap between
people
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's incomes, the rate of
crimes
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 like robbery and the like
are
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is
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 considerably high in comparison with the other societies.
To sum up
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,
Although
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 nature can affect our deeds, the more important factor seems to be the background and the current situation of
people
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's lives. The prior education and current economic status of
people
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 make them more susceptible to committing
crimes
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.

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Example Development
To boost the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, consider expanding your examples with more detail, illustrating precisely how they support your argument. This would enrich the context and make your stance more convincing.
Opinion Clarity
Your essay would benefit from a clearer, more direct statement of your own opinion. Make sure to explicitly state your viewpoint towards the end of the introduction and again in the conclusion to give your essay a stronger, more persuasive voice.
Transitional Phrases
Using a wider variety of transition phrases could enhance the flow of your essay, making your ideas connect more smoothly. This would not only improve the readability but also the coherence of your argument.
Logical Structure
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion summarizing your perspective. This logical structure aids the reader's understanding.
Introduction & Conclusion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, framing your discussion neatly and making your overall position known.
Supported Main Points
The examples and reasons you've provided to support main points on both sides of the argument are generally relevant and add weight to your discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic circumstances
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • unemployment
  • illegal activities
  • desperation
  • social issues
  • exposure to violence
  • family structures
  • inherent
  • personality traits
  • lack of empathy
  • aggression
  • predilection for risk-taking
  • affluent backgrounds
What to do next:
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