It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
People learn and are groomed from their
life
challenges
. However
, there is an ongoing debate that challenges
are not only important for personal life
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
for the preprofessional career. I completely agree with this
notion, and in this
essay, I will discuss how the benefits of taking risks
outweigh the drawbacks.
First of all, there are various drawbacks to taking risks
in life
. The most significant is having a symptom of depression and anxiety. Individuals who take risks
, but don’t have the courage to face this
crucial period of life
, may face various symptoms, consequently
affecting their health. Secondly
, having suicidal thoughts is very common in a depressive state. Students, for instance
, prepare for tests, to get admission in
a university. Change preposition
to
However
, some fail to get admission in their desired field, they choose another course to follow up with their lives and achieve personal goals whereas
others don’t have the courage to do this
.
Besides
serious negative effects, there are several advantages of facing challenges
in life
. The most significant is self-grooming and self-confidence. Hard times make a person stronger in society. Nowadays, we can see many successful entrepreneurs who take risks
and fail, but they do not give up on their goals. They work hard and learn from their mistakes, which helps them to become the stronger person in society. Maaz Safder, for instance
, lost 4 crore rupees in a business in 2021 because he opened a resort when the country's economy was down. He took a very risky step but remained to his decision, and within the next year, he received a huge profit from his business and recovered all losses.
In conclusion, challenges
can be alarming for some individuals while
can be beneficial for people who always work hard and learn from their mistakes, resulting become the strongest person in society.Submitted by sadiahussain028 on
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay introduction clearly outlines the upcoming discussion points. Your essay did well in this aspect but could further benefit from a more explicit thesis statement mentioning both pros and cons of risk-taking.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Using transitional phrases like 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'Besides' is good, but also consider linking sentences more explicitly to improve flow.
task achievement
Your essay benefits from real-life examples, which strengthen your argument. Continuing to incorporate specific and relevant examples will improve task achievement. Aim to include both personal and broad illustrations to enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Review and refine the variety of sentence structures used within the text to avoid repetition and enhance readability. Diversifying sentence structure will contribute to more compelling expressions of ideas and better engagement with the reader.