IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People learn and are groomed from their
life
Use synonyms
challenges
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there is an ongoing debate that
challenges
Use synonyms
 are not only important for personal
life
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 for the preprofessional career. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss how the benefits of taking
risks
Use synonyms
 outweigh the drawbacks. First of all, there are various drawbacks to taking
risks
Use synonyms
 in
life
Use synonyms
. The most significant is having a symptom of depression and anxiety. Individuals who take
risks
Use synonyms
, but don’t have the courage to face
this
Linking Words
 crucial period of
life
Use synonyms
, may face various symptoms,
consequently
Linking Words
 affecting their health.
Secondly
Linking Words
, having suicidal thoughts is very common in a depressive state. Students,
for instance
Linking Words
, prepare for tests, to get admission
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a university.
However
Linking Words
, some fail to get admission in their desired field, they choose another course to follow up with their lives and achieve personal goals
whereas
Linking Words
 others don’t have the courage to do
this
Linking Words
.
Besides
Linking Words
 serious negative effects, there are several advantages of facing
challenges
Use synonyms
 in
life
Use synonyms
. The most significant is self-grooming and self-confidence. Hard times make a person stronger in society. Nowadays, we can see many successful entrepreneurs who take
risks
Use synonyms
 and fail, but they do not give up on their goals. They work hard and learn from their mistakes, which helps them to become the stronger person in society. Maaz Safder,
for instance
Linking Words
, lost 4 crore rupees in a business in 2021 because he opened a resort when the country's economy was down. He took a very risky step but remained to his decision, and within the next year, he received a huge profit from his business and recovered all losses. In conclusion,
challenges
Use synonyms
 can be alarming for some individuals
while
Linking Words
 can be beneficial for people who always work hard and learn from their mistakes, resulting become the strongest person in society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your essay introduction clearly outlines the upcoming discussion points. Your essay did well in this aspect but could further benefit from a more explicit thesis statement mentioning both pros and cons of risk-taking.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Using transitional phrases like 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'Besides' is good, but also consider linking sentences more explicitly to improve flow.
task achievement
Your essay benefits from real-life examples, which strengthen your argument. Continuing to incorporate specific and relevant examples will improve task achievement. Aim to include both personal and broad illustrations to enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Review and refine the variety of sentence structures used within the text to avoid repetition and enhance readability. Diversifying sentence structure will contribute to more compelling expressions of ideas and better engagement with the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: