IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Economic progress is one way to measure the success of one country, While some people think there are other factors. what other factors should be considers ? Within these factors, do you think anyone is more important than the others ?

#progress #measure #success #country #people #factors #anyone
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has always been difficult to determine whether the accomplishment of a province is based on economic expansion or other elements. From my standpoint, I strongly believe that economic progress plays a significant role in reflecting the development of a province, even though other factors are
also
 necessary.
To begin
 with, economic improvement is the key factor that contributes to the achievement of one
nation
. Take,
for example
, the US is a successful democracy with a strong economy.
This
 country has a high Gross Domestic Product (GPD) and is home to many multinational corporations.
This
 is to say, small or large businesses can contribute ambles to the
nation
. Just when businesses have become more sustainable and more profitable, it will bring success to one
nation
.
Therefore
, the economy is the foundation of long-term viability and success. Meanwhile, it is worth mentioning that the economy is not only one of the contributors,
whereas
, the standard of living is worth the value. It reflects the
overall
 qualities of life in a country. Higher standards of living mean good access to healthcare services, education, safety and security, and so much more. When a country meets these standards, citizens living there will be happier and healthier.
As a result
, the quality of life is
also
 crucial in determining a
nation
’s success.
According to
 me, economic growth and other factors are complementary.
However
, government bodies should prioritize economic growth if they hope to see a
nation
 develop. So, if the government neglects
this
 sector, it could lead to no development despite growth.
Submitted by allysa.nguyen2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you have made an effort to cover the topic, expanding on the variety of other factors besides economic progress would provide a more comprehensive response. Try to discuss a wider range of elements that signify a country's success, such as cultural richness, environmental sustainability, or political stability.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, structuring your essay with clear, distinct paragraphs for each main point can greatly improve readability. You've done well in structuring your essay but strive for clearer transitions and more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This would make your argumentation smoother and your ideas more accessible to the reader.
Both
Adding more specific examples and evidence to support your points could significantly enhance your score in both Task Achievement and Coherence & Cohesion. While you've provided a general example with the US, delve deeper into specifics, such as relevant statistics, historical examples, or case studies, to make your arguments more persuasive and grounded.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic progress
  • social well-being
  • healthcare
  • education
  • social equality
  • environmental sustainability
  • sustainable development
  • natural resources
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • resource depletion
  • political stability
  • rule of law
  • democratic governance
  • corruption
  • quality of life
  • life expectancy
  • work-life balance
  • happiness
  • technological development
  • infrastructure development
  • standard of living
What to do next:
Look at other essays: