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Band 7.5

In some cultures the old age is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#cultures #age #youth
As our world progresses and diversifies, a new debate has been sparked on whether emphasis should be placed on old or young people.
While
 some cultures value the aged, others hold their young population to a greater degree of importance.
This
 essay will discuss both points of view and argue in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the latter. In the past,
this
 was not even a debate. It is assumed that older people are better, and for good reason. They are wiser because they have experienced more in life.
Thus
, they are better leaders, and are more fit to important roles in society, seeing as many great leaders are of older age. The Vietnamese proverb “The older the ginger, the spicier it is”
also
 reflects
this
, as it refers to how a person gains more wisdom the older they become.
However
, in the present, things have changed. The youth have become more capable than ever before as access to education improves. It has been proven that the young carry the economy as the aged retires. As
such
, they have adapted to become more open-minded and have a wealth of ideas that could change the world for the better, as opposed to the aged who are more dogmatic and old-fashioned. Both sides have some very valid arguments.
However
, as the young hold the future of the world in their hands, they should be held with higher value. As the aged become incapable, it is the young who will step up and take the leading role. In the end, both the old and the young have their own roles in society.
However
, young folk should be prioritized
due to
 their potential for growth and improvement.
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task achievement
Your essay provides a strong argument and adequately addresses both views of the topic. However, you should include more relevant specific examples in your argument to enhance your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your points develop logically within the paragraphs. Although your essay structure is good, enhancing the flow between ideas could make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively presented an introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your response thoroughly addresses the prompt and covers both perspectives, along with your own opinion.
task achievement
Your essay includes clear and comprehensive ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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