Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

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Some people think that video games are fun because they are amusing,
while
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others see them as addictive. I personally think that they are a wild-goose chase and too dangerous for human health. On the one hand, people normally enjoy playing computer games. They are a perfect entertainment , principally for children and teenagers. Users are able to play online with their friends , which increases their excitement for the game.
Furthermore
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, some of them are very realistic, so kids imagine themselves as the characters they are playing with.
For instance
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, my little cousin bought a game called Minecraft a few weeks ago. In Minecraft, you can create your own world, build houses and share your world with your friends.
As a result
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, my cousin is so excited each time he opens his computer.
On the other hand
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, using these kinds of machines is
also
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seen as a waste of life and addictive. There are persons that spend too much time playing
instead
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of working or doing other more productive things. Consoles create stamina that provokes a reaction in our organism , of wanting to play more and more.
For example
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, the pro gamer Russell Hook used to play more than seven hours a day of Fortnite, a survival game.
Consequently
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, he got a strong disease , and now he is completely blind.
This
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shows the potential impact of consoles on our mental and physical health.
To conclude
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, video games are seen both as amusing and dangerous for the stamina they require. I think that they are not useful at all and that they are dangerously addictive.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first part. Say if the bad points are more than the good points in a direct way.
task response
Give more full support for your ideas. Some points are strong, but some need more detail to show why they are true.
task response
Use examples that are more general or easier to trust. One example about one person may not be enough.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand', but some ideas inside the body parts need smoother flow.
coherence and cohesion
A few words do not fit the meaning, so the message becomes less clear. Use simple words you know well.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear parts: start, two body parts, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow from one sentence to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • strategic thinking
  • multiplayer games
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • collaboration
  • interactive learning
  • gaming addiction
  • academic performance
  • violence desensitization
  • aggressive behavior
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • health issues
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