Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

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Some people believe that

video

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games

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are not dangerous and are helpful for learning,

while

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others think they have negative effects. In my opinion, it is true that

video

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games

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have some benefits , but their disadvantages are more important. On the one hand,

video

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games

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can be useful in a lot of ways. First of all, they can help people relax after school or work.

In addition

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, many

games

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help you to solve problems and develop new skills.

For example

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, strategy

games

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such

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as Among Us and Clash of Clans require you to play very carefully and make important decisions.

Moreover

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, digital

games

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can

also

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be educational, because you can learn new things in a more enjoyable way.

On the other hand

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, there are

also

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many problems.

Firstly

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video

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games

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can be addictive, and

this

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is the main problem. The result is that people spend too much time in front of the screen , and these affect your study and work.

Secondly

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, if you play a lot of time that can cause health problems.

Also

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, it can affect your relations with others because you are isolated from the world , playing in a new technological world.

Furthermore

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, some violent

games

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have a negative influence on young players, making them more aggressive.

For instance

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, Fortnite or Call of Duty both consist of killing someone to win.

To conclude

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, it is true that

video

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games

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offer some advantages,but I think the disadvantages are more important than the benefits. So, those who play should control their gaming time and

also

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play some

games

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that are more educational.

santos_dij

May 25, 2023

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coherence cohesion

Make your main idea more clear in each body part.

coherence cohesion

Use linking words more carefully. Some are good, but a few parts do not flow well.

coherence cohesion

Support each point with a short clear reason or example.

task achievement

Answer the question more directly all through the essay, not only in the start and end.

task achievement

Develop your ideas a bit more so the reader can see why the bad points are stronger.

task achievement

Use examples that are more exact and clearly connected to your point.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.

coherence cohesion

You use words like first, secondly, moreover, and to conclude to guide the reader.

task achievement

You answer both sides and give your opinion clearly.

task achievement

You give some real game examples, which helps your ideas feel real.

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive skills
problem-solving
strategic thinking
multiplayer games
social skills
teamwork
communication
collaboration
interactive learning
gaming addiction
academic performance
violence desensitization
aggressive behavior
sedentary lifestyle
health issues

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