IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Write about the following topic: In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development?

#topic #people #job #time #development
What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than
one
 job? It is known that humans used to have just
one
 job. Nowadays, it is more often common to see people with more than a single occupation.
This
 essay will discuss the positive and negative aspects of having more than
one
 work and will argue the reasons why
this
 is happening. On the
one
 hand, people in the past used to afford their expenditures with just a small income. Nowadays, everything is more expensive than years ago, making it more difficult to pay all our expenses with just
one
 salary. A recent article suggests that people are opting to work longer hours to achieve their goals, often driven by financial motivations.
On the other hand
, there are some benefits and drawbacks of having more than
one
 occupation. The main advantage of having two or more jobs is that it will provide you with a great experience and you will be able to develop great skills.
Furthermore
, you will have a higher income and
that is
 something positive when you have goals
such
 as owning a house, travelling or studying.
Although
 being able to have these possibilities is something amazing, there are some disadvantages.
For instance
, a large number of hours worked per week could lead to a high level of stress and a lack of time for themselves, and their loved ones.
To sum up
,
this
 essay discussed the pros and cons of having many jobs. Even if money is needed to keep living, it is good to find a work-life balance, and our well-being is as important as employment. Having an accomplished and fulfilling life should be the most important goal in life.
Submitted by jimeilaria on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, which will help to enhance the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas to make the essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion of the topic.
task achievement
The response addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showcasing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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