IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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There is an argument that today
people
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 don’t remember the original meaning of traditional and religious
festivals
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. Most
of
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apply
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people
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 celebrate them just for fun. I can’t agree with
this
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 point of view.
That is
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 in the order of things that the original meanings of holidays, which were significantly important for ancestors, have no
such
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 value today. Maslenitsa is one of the most popular traditional
festivals
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 in Russia. The celebration is accompanied by folk dance, a lot of food, and the burning of a big doll made of straw. In old times, the goal of burning the effigy was to ensure a great harvest in the new season.
However
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, the progress brought more advanced and practical methods to increase the crop.
Thus
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, these
ritual
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rituals
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 have no sense anymore.
Nevertheless
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,
people
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 still remember how important Maslenitsa was in the past. They keep and follow the tradition through centuries; they love and wait for the festival every year. Another example could be Christmas. Of which the best know is giving gifts. The roots of the tradition
is
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are
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 a story about Saint Nicholas.
According to
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 the legend, Saint Nicholas anonymously left three bags of gold with coins near
a
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the
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 house of a poor family to help three young girls get married. At first sight, the tale does have no common with modern Christmas.
However
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, diving into the details shows how the goodwill gesture of Saint Nicholas transformed into the tradition of exchanging gifts, good wishes and well-being. Of course, nowadays few
people
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 remember the tale, but despite
this
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, the holiday has a pure connection with the past, whether we know about it or not. In conclusion, the original meaning of traditional and religious
festivals
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 decreases or remains in the past. Despite
this
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,
people
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 often remember the historical roots of
festivals
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 and continue to celebrate them as part of
the
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their
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 cultural heritage.

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Task Achievement
To enhance your Task Response, aim to provide a more balanced argument that explores your main assertion from multiple perspectives. This includes examining both sides of the issue, even if you ultimately favour one. To achieve this, you might consider adding a paragraph that acknowledges why people might believe festivals are solely for enjoyment nowadays, before refuting or supporting this viewpoint with further evidence or reasoning.
Coherence & Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, strive for smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas, ensuring each paragraph flows naturally into the next. While your essay demonstrates a logical structure, enhancing transitions can improve readability and understanding. Consider phrases like 'On another note', 'Similarly', or 'Conversely' to bridge topics or sections.
General Advice
Using varied sentence structures can also improve the readability of your essay. Though your essay is well-written, incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can add rhythm and emphasis to your points, making your argument more compelling.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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