It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perosnal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweighs the disadvantages?

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It is argued that individuals should try to do difficult tasks in their daily and occupational duties. I think several advantages to doing hard tasks. Perhaps, the most compelling reason people do not take risks in their professional and personal lives is because there is a chance to fail.

Additionally

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, unless they achieve their desired things, they face awkward situations from their colleagues.

Besides

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, if a person loses when they are determined to obtain a new item, they are eliminated from their social responsibility.

Moreover

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, for doing dangerous work, there is a high chance to occur hazardous moments in life.

For example

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, a recent study found that, when people want to take risks in their working sector, about 70% are not able to complete

this

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On the other hand

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, there are numerous benefits behind it. By doing

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, humans are able to learn about hard situations. When they fail they get an opportunity to know about their mistakes and are introduced into society as a bravo.

In addition

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, in technical areas, if employees take a hard duty and they succeed, it would be a remarkable thing in their company.

As a result

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, they get promotions in their job. It not only increases their salary but

also

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creates a chance to discover a new item.

According to

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research, when humans try to do any unknown activities, sometimes they produce very important things, which has a great impact on human life. In conclusion,

although

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there are some life hazard issues, I think it provides us with more enjoyable and comfortable moments and argue that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

AafuankazinatoshiMon Feb 26 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Work on structuring your essay more logically. This involves planning your essay beforehand, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, and that your ideas are ordered in a way that builds your argument effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and distinct. Your introduction should outline the essay's structure and your standpoint. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position more strongly, without introducing new information.

Task Achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Relevant and detailed examples make your points more persuasive and your essay more engaging. Avoid general statements and strive for specificity.

Task Achievement

Develop a stronger thesis statement. A clear, strong thesis statement not only shows your stance but also guides the reader through your argument. It should be evident from the beginning what you believe and the main reasons you will discuss to support your belief.

General

Refine the complexity of your sentences and use a wider range of vocabulary. Varied sentence structures and vocabulary can make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency. Be cautious of overcomplication, as clarity is still paramount.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perosnal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweighs the disadvantages?

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some say that these are the best people to talk to school students about the dangers of committing a crime? Do you agree or disagree?

People should choose their course of study not on the basis of their own interests, but based on the kinds of jobs they can get.

Nowadays more and more people want things instantly. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?