IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter • say what you have learned in your present job • suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department • explain why you do not wish to leave the company Begin your letter as follows: Dear _______________

#job #two #years #career #development #move #department #company #manager #_______________
Dear Mr. Tim, I am writing to let you know about my interest in moving from
testing
Correct article usage
the testing
show examples
department
 to
research
Correct article usage
the research
show examples
department
 with ABC company. As
you
Add a verb
you are
you were
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 already aware, I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
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 working with ABC for the past two years in the testing
department
. During
this
 period, I got the opportunity to work with testing related to payment modules and supported the go-live activities. I have good exposure to these areas and a better understanding of the business requirements. Now I am looking forward to
undertake
Change the verb form
undertaking
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 more responsibilities and
expand
Wrong verb form
expanding
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 my knowledge
on
Change preposition
in
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development
Correct article usage
the development
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 area. By moving to the research and development
department
, I will be able to recommend business improvements,
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 myself familiarised with programming languages and
also
 I can guide the testing team.
This
 way, I can contribute more to the role which I am serving for and definitely company can benefit from it. I would like to stay with the company as I see a lot of challenging requirements and
collaborative
Correct article usage
a collaborative
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 work environment which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 the employees to grow
further
 in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. I hope you understand my concern and help me to do the needful. Yours sincerely, Tom Jin
Submitted by greeshmav91 on

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task achievement
Be more specific about the particular skills or projects that you have worked on to demonstrate your competence more clearly.
coherence
Vary the sentence structures to make the text more engaging and to improve the overall flow.
coherence
The letter is well-structured, with each paragraph covering a distinct idea.
suitable writing tone
The tone of the letter is respectful and professional, which is appropriate for a letter to a manager.
complete response
You have effectively addressed all the points in the prompt, providing a complete response to the task.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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