In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In some cultures, it is a common opinion that children can achieve anything if they strive enough.
This
essay will analyze this
concept's benefits and drawbacks as follows.
On the one hand, many countries, especially in the West, think that this
message has a significant benefit for offspring because it provides positive information. For instance
, many mental experts indicate that cultivating positive emotions in childhood may have more chance of becoming successful. Furthermore
, trying hard to confront unknown challenges is another vitally important factor in being an outstanding adult. Therefore
, these advantages can help children become independent, judicious, and other beneficial elements.
On the other hand
, although
consistently implanting this
concept can indeed provide some benefits, certain potential detriments are not perceived by parents. For example
, frustration is a serious problem. If offspring usually fail in something such
as poor grades despite that they have worked hard, they might feel more frustrated, and ultimately give to study. A typical example is learning a second language, while
pupils pay a considerate amount of attention to learning it, they still cannot absorb foreign knowledge. In this
case, students continuously suffer from frustration, fall into a vicious cycle, and eventually do not try anymore.
To sum up
, being taught that striving for something will order a repayment can indeed help pupils establish a healthy attitude to face difficulties, thereby becoming successful. However
, the information may have some risks. Learning exotic languages is a wider example. With gradually accumulating negative emotions, students may not strive with challenges and decrease their salients to learn and finally
give up their subjects.Submitted by daniellin0717 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, attempt to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between sentences more smoothly.
task achievement
Try to include more specific and diverse examples to support your main points. This will help illustrate your ideas more clearly and provide stronger proof for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to better guide the reader through your argument structure.
task achievement
Aim to further develop each main idea with additional details or explanations. This will reinforce your task achievement by providing a more thorough analysis of each point.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and outlines what the essay will discuss.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points of the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant points on both the advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced perspective on the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!