IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that watching sports in one's free time is just waste of time. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #sports #time #waste
When we talk about free
time
 everyone has an idea of which
one
 of them is more exciting, helpful, or even useful. In my view, we need to spend our free
time
 on recovery.
One
 of the best ways that you can spend your
time
 is by watching
sports
. In
this
 essay, I try to explain why.
To begin
 with, people mostly watch
sports
 with each other. Sometimes they gather in
one
 of their houses or go to a
sports
 arena and watch a match together.
This
 action helps them improve their friendly bonds and have a good
time
. That feeling helps them easily tolerate bad situations that may be incidents in their life.
For example
,
one
 who has failed an important exam might find it relaxing to spend a couple of hours away from stress and focus only on the excitement of a soccer match.
In addition
, the excitement that a person experiences in the race or match creates a sense of happiness and mental health in the person.
Although
 every action if exiting from the normal can be harmful, I think in most situations its benefits are more than its disadvantages.
Moreover
, watching
sports
 in their free
time
 can increase the interest of young people and there is an opportunity for them to start building their lives
as well as
 athletes.
Also
, the
time
 when they watch
sports
 makes them free from worries and challenges. To sum it up, watching TV
sports
 shows is worth spending
time
 on in our free
time
, and the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. To get the best performance in it we should concentrate on the
time
 we spend on it.
Submitted by hamedborna on

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help make your essay more convincing and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that they flow logically from one to the next. This can be achieved by using transition words and phrases at the beginning of paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid structure.
task achievement
The main points of your essay are relevant and address the prompt well, supporting the argument that watching sports can be beneficial.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • communal unity
  • stress relief
  • economic impact
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • emotional investment
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • healthier lifestyle
  • fantasy sports
  • interactive experience
  • leisure activities
  • personal development
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