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Band 7.5

It is importatnt for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages?

#importatnt #people #risk #lives #risks #outweight
From dawn of the time, humans have been advised to make wise decisions. In today’s climate, the issue of taking
risks
 has become a controversial minefield.
While
 it is rational to accept that making risky decisions can sometimes have a good effect, it seems that they are more likely to bring about seriously harmful impacts. The main justification why taking
risks
 is fruitful is the
fact
 that in case of success, it can lead to a significant profit.
In other words
, its result is not comparable with other decisions. An illustration of
this
fact
 is the lottery which is only based on the chanse. The more tickets an individual buys, the more chances of winning there would be. Despite the
fact
 that only one person wins the prize, nowadays, participating in the lottery has gained momentum among people. Another plus point is that it can bring excitement to daily life since the result is not predictable. It is proven that the people who live in their safe zones and do not take any
risks
 are endangered of mental diseases
such
 as depression or anxiety.
On the other hand
, it could be argued that these merits are not comparable with its possible drawbacks. The main bad point is the
fact
 that there is always the possibility of failure. Individuals have to prepare themself for the consequences of taking risk.
For example
, some gamblers bet on their valuable possessions
such
 as their accommodations or cars.
Although
 it can not be denied that in case of winning, they will achieve something better, the failure is not tolerable, too. The next pitfall is the
fact
 that it can lead to addiction, over time.
Due to
 the
fact
 that taking
risks
 increases the rate of adrenaline, it can turn into a habit.
While
 there are some aspects in human life which are so serious and should not be merged with risk. What can be concluded from the discussion revolving around taking
risks
 is that the demerits overshadow the possible benefits it could bring about.
Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on

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Task Achievement
Be sure to clearly introduce your argument in the introduction, stating whether you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This sets the tone for the rest of your essay.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements, provide clear, detailed instances that underscore your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a logical flow in your argument. Transition smoothly from one idea to the next, ensuring that each paragraph logically connects to its preceding paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use variety in your sentence structure and connectors to enhance the cohesion and coherence of your essay. Experiment with different linking words to connect ideas more smoothly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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