In some parts of the world, people have become more focused on themselves than their communities. What problems can this situation cause and how can they be solved?

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Nowadays, individuals in some countries are only interested in their
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle

The word life style seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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and
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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most of them
has
Verb problem
are

There may be a verb use issue here.

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indifference
Replace the word
indifferent

The word indifference doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to
others
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

within their society. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

case, busy
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
development
Correct article usage
the development

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of digital
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are the noticeable reasons
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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issues.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay will indicate the causes and the
approchs
Correct your spelling
approaches

If you don’t want approchs to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to
overcome
Wrong verb form
overcoming

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb overcome. Consider changing it.

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an
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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individualism.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, it is widely believed that
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

tend to
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

harder in contemporary society than before. Many countries accept capitalism as the social policy and
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

establishment makes
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

spend more
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

work place
Correct your spelling
the workplace

The word work place doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to earn higher
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries

It seems that salary may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, individuals have become
indifference
Replace the word
indifferent

The word indifference doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to
others
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can interact with their
colleages
Correct your spelling
colleagues

If you don’t want colleages to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and family by reducing their daily
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

hours
for making
Change preposition
to make

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to talk.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in South Korea, there is a
reserch
Correct your spelling
research

If you don’t want reserch to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

about working hours. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

paper,
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

used to communicate with
others
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

after their jobs. Another
reasons
Replace the adjective
reason

The adjective another appears to be modifying the plural noun reasons. Consider replacing it with the adjective other.

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for individualism is
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number

It seems that numbers may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of mobile phones. Many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

recently connect
each
Change preposition
with each

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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Use synonyms
Use synonyms
others
Change to a singular noun
other

The singular quantifier each is followed by the plural noun others. Consider changing the noun to the singular or using a different quantifier.

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by using
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones

It seems that phone may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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without face-to-face
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings

It seems that meeting may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

always carry their
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones

It seems that smartphone may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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with them and spend more
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in the artificial world rather than
reality
Change preposition
in reality

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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. It means that they do not need to make an appointment
to
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their friends and peers out of their
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. To tackle
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

issue, they have to try not to use the electronics and spend
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with their family and
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends

It seems that friend may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in real
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. They can overcome individualism by avoiding an online place. In conclusion, longer working hours and mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones

It seems that phone may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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are the biggest factors in creating
individualistic
Add an article
an individualistic

The noun phrase individualistic social atmosphere seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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social atmosphere. These problems can be tackled by
government
Correct article usage
the government

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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and efforts among individuals.

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Task Achievement
Ensure fuller development of ideas. While you have introduced relevant points, expanding on these with more detailed examples and elaboration could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Work on clearer topic sentences for paragraphs. This will help in making your main ideas immediately clear, enhancing coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by linking ideas more effectively. Transitional phrases can help in achieving smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Revise your essay to correct grammatical errors and enhance vocabulary usage. This will not only improve cohesion but also add clarity and sophistication to your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social isolation
  • Mental health issues
  • Community participation
  • Social cohesion
  • Civic pride
  • Volunteerism
  • Charitable contributions
  • Collective responsibility
  • Cultural heritage
  • Educational campaigns
  • Collective action
  • Tax deductions
  • Recognition programs
  • Mentorship
  • Community leadership
  • Intergenerational interactions
What to do next:
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