In some parts of the world, people have become more focused on themselves than their communities. What problems can this situation cause and how can they be solved?

#parts #world #people #communities #situation

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Nowadays, individuals in some countries are only interested in their

Use synonyms

life style

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lifestyle

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and

the

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apply

show examples

most of them

has

Verb problem

are

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indifference

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indifferent

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others

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within their society. In

this

Linking Words

case, busy

life

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and

development

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the development

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of digital

life

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are the noticeable reasons

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for

show examples

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

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issues.

This

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essay will indicate the causes and the

approchs

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approaches

overcome

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overcoming

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apply

show examples

individualism.

To begin

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with, it is widely believed that

people

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tend to

work

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harder in contemporary society than before. Many countries accept capitalism as the social policy and

this

Linking Words

establishment makes

people

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spend more

time

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work place

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the workplace

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to earn higher

salary

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salaries

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As a result

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, individuals have become

indifference

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indifferent

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others

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However

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people

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can interact with their

colleages

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colleagues

and family by reducing their daily

work

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hours

for making

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to make

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time

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to talk.

For example

Linking Words

, in South Korea, there is a

reserch

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research

about working hours. In

this

Linking Words

paper,

people

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used to communicate with

others

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after their jobs. Another

reasons

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reason

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for individualism is

increasing

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the increasing

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numbers

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number

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of mobile phones. Many

people

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recently connect

each

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with each

show examples

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others

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other

show examples

by using

phone

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phones

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without face-to-face

meeting

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meetings

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In addition

Linking Words

people

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always carry their

smartphone

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smartphones

show examples

with them and spend more

time

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in the artificial world rather than

reality

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in reality

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. It means that they do not need to make an appointment

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with

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their friends and peers out of their

work

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time

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. To tackle

this

Linking Words

issue, they have to try not to use the electronics and spend

time

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with their family and

friend

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friends

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in real

life

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. They can overcome individualism by avoiding an online place. In conclusion, longer working hours and mobile

phone

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phones

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are the biggest factors in creating

individualistic

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an individualistic

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social atmosphere. These problems can be tackled by

government

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the government

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and efforts among individuals.

Submitted by benheo5936 on Tue Feb 27 2024

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Task Achievement

Work on clearer topic sentences for paragraphs. This will help in making your main ideas immediately clear, enhancing coherence.

Coherence & Cohesion

Improve the organization of your essay by linking ideas more effectively. Transitional phrases can help in achieving smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs.

Coherence & Cohesion

Revise your essay to correct grammatical errors and enhance vocabulary usage. This will not only improve cohesion but also add clarity and sophistication to your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Social isolation
Mental health issues
Community participation
Social cohesion
Civic pride
Volunteerism
Charitable contributions
Collective responsibility
Cultural heritage
Educational campaigns
Collective action
Tax deductions
Recognition programs
Mentorship
Community leadership
Intergenerational interactions

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In some parts of the world, people have become more focused on themselves than their communities. What problems can this situation cause and how can they be solved?

Fully explain your ideas

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

Some people believe that to reduce industrial pollution, a tax should be imposed on companies, while others believe that different measures should be taken to solve the problem. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some claim newspapers are the best means to get the most recent information because they have more influence than other forms of media.to what extent do you agree or disagree?