In some places old age is valued, while in other culture youth is considered more importance. Discuss both views and give you opinion.
Some areas believe that the elderly are appreciated
whereas
others believe that adolescents are the need of cities. However
, from prior experience, it is more beneficial to choose young people
due to
the creativity and the of energy the youth, despite those who believe more experience in the job old age.
It must be understood that the creativity of young people
is the main determinant factor to the development of cities. This
is due to
the products or the ideas in the society. With this
in mind, new ideas which are suitable for society are helping people
are more convenient and saving time
. For instance
, automatic machines which
are devices which help citizen with saving their Correct pronoun usage
apply
time
and improve the exact jobs or processes. Thus
, juveniles will be a rich source of improvement in countries in the future.
However
, some people
think that adults have more personal knowledge which will have to help a lot of things in the company. This
is a belief that adults have methods which help companies complete in a short time
without wasting their time
. There are rights to a certain extent, but these things can be solved by machines or careful investigation before doing missions.
From this
writer’s experience, teenagers are a good age at being enthusiastic in the job. It can be recognized that citizens work
almost a day or bring heavy things. Moreover
, they gain knowledge about technology in a short time
and can work
easily with high-tech devices. For instance
, Americans have to work
nearly 12 hours each day and they must work
at home to complete their job. Hence
, this
writer totally agrees that teenagers are more crucial than senior citizens.
Clearly, this
essay has shown that the main factors which impact the development of the cities are juveniles by their creativity, enthusiasm and knowledge of technology. Therefore
, senior citizens have more experiences
from their working Fix the agreement mistake
experience
time
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay reflects a good effort in discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, the introduction and conclusion need to be clearly defined and structured. Make sure to start with an introduction that outlines the topic and your viewpoint, and conclude by summarizing your arguments and restating your opinion.
logical structure
You have aimed to structure your essay logically, but at times, the progression from one idea to the next feels abrupt. Work on the transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. This will help in enhancing coherence.
supported main points
While you've included examples and reasons to support your points, these could be more specific and directly related to the question. Aim to include clear, relevant examples that directly support your arguments about the value placed on youth or old age in different cultures.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have made an effort to respond to the task by discussing both views and giving your opinion. However, for a higher score, ensure that your ideas are developed more comprehensively. Each paragraph should explore a single main idea in depth, supported by specific examples or further explanation.
complete response
To improve your score, ensure to address all parts of the prompt fully. This includes providing a balanced discussion of both views, offering specific examples to illustrate your points, and ensuring your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not only at the end.
relevant specific examples
Your essay includes relevant examples, but these could be enhanced by being more specific and detailed. Explore how these examples specifically illustrate the viewpoint being discussed. Make sure each example clearly supports the point you are trying to make.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example