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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

When a country gets richer, cities often benefit more than the countryside. What problems can this cause, and how can we solve them?

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It goes without saying the situation where a nation is developed equally between metropolises and rural areas is recommended.
However
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, it is
also
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 true there is a tendency for many advantages to be focused on limited
cities
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 at the early stage of the progress.
This
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 essay will examine the consequences of the trend and explore several suggestions to solve the problem.
To begin
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 with, as
cities
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 get most of the advantages of the national prosperity, various social problems can be produced.
Firstly
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, the quality of life of the citizens could be plummeted. As people gather to enjoy the convenience of developed technology, the level of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental pollution
would
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will
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 get worse.
In addition
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, they might face the rush hour during committing time or the noise of central
cities
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. Meanwhile, the satisfaction of the residents in the rural areas could go down since they have limited access to cultural opportunities or the high level of a community supportive system including a guarantee of a basic standard of living. There are some solutions to encourage balanced development in all the districts. First of all, Key institutes like universities, and research
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 could be relocated to the rural area, which will lead to transfer the
employees
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of employees
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 or learners who will have to follow suit. By doing that, the demand for the district will be created and
then
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, the economy of the region will boom.
According to
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 research conducted by the Korea Development Institute in 2022, the relocation of the central government complex into Sejong City increased the volume of the market in Sejong by 24%.
In addition
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, to make progress in the countryside as well, a diversity of perks of living far from the metropolis should be designed to attract locals and visitors there.
To conclude
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, as the merits of the progress in a society might be concentrated in big
cities
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, it could result in the deterioration of people’s life satisfaction in both
cities
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 and the countryside. To deal with the problem, we can relocate some significant entities to rural areas which would bring about positive effects in rural markets or design the incentive structure for local people in the districts.

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Coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides a well-organized structure. Each paragraph logically follows from the last, which greatly aids in readability and coherence. To further improve, consider varying your sentence structures more and using transitional phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
Task achievement
You provided a complete response to the prompt, with both problems and solutions thoroughly discussed. Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, and you've included relevant examples to support them. To enhance your score, try to delve deeper into your examples, providing more detailed analysis or broader implications to emphasize your points.
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