IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Undoubtedly, governments play a crucial role in maximizing the efficiency of the funds taxed by
citizens
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. Some people look upon expenditures on
arts
Use synonyms
 as a waste of money and should be allocated to public
services
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instead
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. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with the argument, and the reasons will be thoroughly explained as follows.
To begin
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 with, not all individuals are passionate about
arts
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, and
this
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 group of people will not benefit from the given policy.
In other words
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, the original intention of investing in
arts
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 might not be as ideal as reality.
For example
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,
although
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 the Taiwanese government has spent a great amount of money on building museums displaying sculptures and paintings over the decades, I never
visit
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
 any of them
due to
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 lacking interest.
However
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, as a citizen, I still have to take the burden of the annual maintenance fees despite never receiving any advantage.
On the other hand
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, it is widely accepted that public
services
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 like health care or infrastructure can significantly enhance everyone's life of quality.
That is
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 to say, the government should prioritize funding public
services
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 because it is a more comprehensive option to take care of their
citizens
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.
For instance
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, if the government puts more emphasis on road safety and reconstructs roads with uneven surfaces across the whole of the nation, all
citizens
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 can benefit from it regardless of their ages or hobbies. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, investing in public
services
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 is much more meaningful compared to
arts
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 because the former successfully reaches all
citizens
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 and increases their life quality
greatly
Rephrase
of life
show examples
.

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task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion by acknowledging the positive aspects of government investment in arts, even if you disagree with it. This can enhance the depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Transition between paragraphs to enhance the flow. Use linking words such as 'Moreover', 'In contrast', or 'Furthermore'.
task achievement
You provide specific examples, like the case of Taiwanese government investment, which strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your perspective and summarizing your viewpoint.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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