IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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It is true that there are areas where people starving,
while
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 farming practices have gotten better than before. There are various reasons that lead to
this
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,
however
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, authorities can take steps to address
this
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 issue.
This
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 essay will cite some of these.  On the one hand, farming practices are
going
Verb problem
getting
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 better condition every day
due to
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technology
Replace the word
technological
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 advancement.
While
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 there are places
where
Correct word choice
that
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 consume advanced ways for cultivating crops, the prior determination
of harvesting
Change preposition
to harvest
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 a great deal of crops is associated with their soil erosion and
streem
Correct your spelling
severe
 weather
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
For instance
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,
countries
Use synonyms
 from
north
Correct article usage
the north
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 of Russia, which are faced with long-term cold seasons may have difficulty
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
collecting and reserving
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their Food supplies.
Moreover
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, there are
countries
Use synonyms
 where poverty is
their
Change the word
a
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 notable problem,
due to
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 their weak economic system.
On the other hand
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, what can
be count
Change the verb form
be counted
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 as a privilege in recent times is that we live in
technology
Correct article usage
a technology
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 and science era.
As a result
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, those
countries
Use synonyms
where
Correct word choice
that
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 need to enrich their soil and water
as well as
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coping
Wrong verb form
cope
show examples
 with
weather
Add an article
the weather
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 should have
determine
Change the verb form
determined
show examples
 environmentalists, searching about fundamental reasons.
This
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 matter cannot be done by significant investment from governments.
Furthermore
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,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
advanced
countries
Use synonyms
 should form associations which can send
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 and social services to where have to deal with poverty like Ethiopia or other poor
countries
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, flourishing in agricultural means and ways does not mean there would
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
 any lack of harvest and food supply.
While
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 there are a number of obstacles along
this
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 matter, administrations and people who are in charge, can take actions to deal with it.

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure your essay directly answers the question asked, providing clear and comprehensive ideas. Focus on including more relevant and specific examples that directly support your arguments. Developing each point with a detailed example will make your response more complete and convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
For improving Coherence and Cohesion, maintain a logical flow of ideas throughout your essay. This can be achieved by planning your essay structure before writing and using clear topic sentences to begin each paragraph. Additionally, make use of cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas and paragraphs together smoothly. Avoid overuse or incorrect use of linking words, and make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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