some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys
Many kids' mummies purchase to them
a huge
Correct the article-noun agreement
huge toys
a huge toy
toys
to
entertainment. Change preposition
for
This
essay Will examine the advantages and disadvantages of games and provide a logical conclusion.
The main positive ideas of children'
gifts are saving them from the bad things and making them cheerful. Change noun form
children's
Moreover
, if children
are busy by
Change preposition
with
theirs
Correct the word
their
toys
that will lead them to avoid dangerous ways . For instance
, these days the worse
ideas could be acquired easily either by access to unsafely sites or contact with poor friends. Correct word choice
worst
In addition
, the second benefit is that toys
make children
happy which means simply their
can avoid Correct pronoun usage
they
stressing
and other mental diseases.
Replace the word
stress
However
, youthful' toys
have a lot of pros such
as wasted
Replace the word
wasting
children'
time and Change noun form
children's
isolated
them from their society. What is more, rather than spend their Wrong verb form
isolating
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
on
reading or learning new things like another language, kids Change preposition
apply
lost
their Wrong verb form
lose
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
on
playing. Without any doubt, that will make them silly Change preposition
apply
in addition
to reduce
their Change the verb form
reducing
mental'
abilities.Correct your spelling
mental
Besides
, kids who are going
whole their Verb problem
spending
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
on
playing ought to be unsolicited. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, nowadays, the real contact between individuals is fewer in contrast
to the situation in the past.
To sum up
, as well as
toys
save pupils from
Change preposition
in
the
unknown ways Correct article usage
apply
also
lead them to waste their time in
invaluable issues. I believe that the disadvantages of the Change preposition
on
toys
are
outweigh the advantages.Unnecessary verb
apply
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on
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Structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your introduction should clearly state the topic and outline the points you will discuss. Your conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position.
Development of Ideas
Work on developing your ideas more fully in the body paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, supported by detailed examples or reasons. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Be wary of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Consider practicing sentence structure and the use of conjunctions to improve the flow of your essay.
Examples and Evidence
Remember to provide more concrete examples to support your arguments. Specific examples make your essay more convincing and engaging for the reader.
Clarity
To improve clarity, try not to use phrases like 'the main positive ideas' or 'a lot of pros'. Instead, be specific about what advantages or disadvantages you're discussing.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.