IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The popularity of online education has grown significantly in recen years. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Currently, many individuals prefer to play interesting and enjoyable
activities
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 with a
child
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 to improve their skills and they think that many
activities
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 like outdoors are more creative than studying. I will declare both of them with relevant examples in my essay. From one perspective, carrying out an interesting activity with a
child
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 can improve their skills because I believe that playing outdoor
activities
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 can lift the
child
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's spirits. But you should play
activities
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 with a
child
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 because your kid can be bored alone and
this
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 helps you to erode your nervousness.
As a result
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, carrying out
activities
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 with a
child
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 can affect their
future
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.
Such
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 as, If you play games with your
child
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 more, it can be useful to your kid and it can become a talented person in the
future
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.
Besides
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 that, your
child
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 would like to play games with you in his spare time, If you nurture him with patriotism.
Therefore
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, I think doing enjoyable
activities
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 with a
child
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 like the outdoors can improve skills.
Whereas
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, many people believe that reading plays a pivotal role in the individuals' life than enjoyable
activities
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 because If you teach your
child
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instead
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 of carrying out
activities
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,
this
Linking Words
 helps to improve their thinking ability.
As a result
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, adults can be popular and active people in the
future
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 and they can honour you If you teach your son since he is young.
Such
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 as, If you play games with your
child
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, it can be a habit for him in the
future
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. So I believe that many individuals should teach their children since they are young If the parents want their children can be talented in the
future
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.
To conclude
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, I hope that both doing
activities
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 and studying can be useful for the young generations.

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Introduce the topic and your viewpoint in the introduction, develop your argument in the body, and summarize your thoughts in the conclusion.
cohesion
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly state the main idea of that paragraph. Support this idea with examples or reasons throughout the paragraph.
task achievement
Address the prompt directly by clearly stating if you think the development is positive or negative. Provide specific examples to support your opinion. Avoid general statements without clear relevance to your argument.
language
Work on your grammar and vocabulary to make your essay clearer and more compelling. Consider practicing complex sentence structures and topic-specific vocabulary to better express your ideas.
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