Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some would argue that it is necessary for the government to give financial aid to artists,
while
others believe that this
money
should be used on other projects. While
funding artists helps
in the cultural preservation of the country, I believe that the state should redistribute the funds to education.
On the one hand, government spending on painters and sculptors is usually based on the belief that arts help with the cultural preservation of the country. Supporting them ensures that the tradition, heritage and uniqueness of the community are kept alive. Change the verb form
help
For instance
, most provinces in the Philippines have festivals in order to celebrate their traditions and the local officials provide the funds. Without their help, these events will not happen. However
, I believe that this
is not the best way to spend the taxpayer's money
.
On the other hand
, government officials should allocate money
to improving the educational system of the nation. Lack of education is a huge problem in society and it has led to other issues such
as unemployment. Redistribution of wealth to improve the educational system can help decrease the educational gap in rich countries. For instance
, they can put more budget into building science and computer laboratories in public schools. By doing this
, students will be more globally competitive. Thus
, I believe that it is more worthwhile for the state to spend money
on improving the literacy rate of the citizens.
In conclusion, although
helping those who are working in the arts can help preserve the culture of the nation, there are more serious issues in society that need to be addressed. Thus
, I believe that funding the education of people is the best way to utilize public funds.Submitted by yoko.onerom on
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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of the essay by ensuring that each paragraph seamlessly connects to the next. Use linking words and phrases to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Work on a clearer introduction and conclusion. The introduction should more precisely outline the essay's perspective and the conclusion should strongly restate this stance.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more elaborate examples and evidence. While you have provided some instances, deeper and more detailed explanations would enhance the essay's persuasiveness.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. While you've discussed both views and provided your opinion, elaborating more on why you favor one over the other with additional reasoning would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but providing more comprehensive explanations and examples will bring more depth to your essay. Try to elaborate on the implications and significance of your arguments.
task achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. General statements are a good start, but particular instances and evidence make your case stronger and more convincing.