IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

A healthy person is often described as someone who has a good diet, gets plenty of exercise and avoids stress. What should people do to stay healthy in your country? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#person #someone #diet #plenty #exercise #stress #people #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often believed that a person is said to be healthy, if he maintains a good diet, tries to be stress-free, and does a
lot
Use synonyms
 of activity. In my area, crowds should be involved in sports, and follow a healthy routine to stay fit. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss, and provide necessary examples to support my reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, The crowds should play a
lot
Use synonyms
 of physical games. sporting helps to stay fit and helps to reduce the fat content in the body.
For example
Linking Words
, I used to play a
lot
Use synonyms
 of cricket when I was in India. It always helped me to stay physically fit. with the activities like bowling, and fielding, the game helped me to be quiet, and to stay calm in every situation. So, sports is one of the most vital activities to stay healthy.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the population in my country eats a
lot
Use synonyms
 of junk
food
Use synonyms
. There are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of stalls on the streets in my place. Every day after finishing their work, the public stops at one of these stalls and eats.
Due to
Linking Words
 some unhygienic contents that were often used in making these kinds of
food
Use synonyms
, people suffer from problems like stomach pain, and long-term consumption may lead to some fatal organ damage.
For Instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a survey,
Last
Linking Words
 year 1200 crowd died
due to
Linking Words
 liver disease caused by excess sauces and oils in street
food
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, several thousand were hospitalized. so, people should try to avoid these kinds of
food
Use synonyms
 and should follow a healthy diet, and include a
lot
Use synonyms
 of green vegetables
To conclude
Linking Words
, staying fit, and doing healthy exercise helps you to stay away from chronic diseases. In my country, people should participate in sports and avoid certain kinds of
food
Use synonyms
 to stay well.
Submitted by varmaib1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay is cohesive and well-structured overall, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To further improve, consider varying your sentence structures and utilising a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have responded to the task effectively by stating your viewpoint and supporting it with general examples. To achieve a higher score, make sure your examples are more specific and detailed. This will provide stronger evidence for your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is sound, reflecting a good understanding of the topic and task. Aim for more complexity in your argumentation. Including a wider variety of viewpoints and engaging with potential counterarguments can add depth to your essay.
task achievement
To enhance your essay, focus on providing more varied and specific examples. These should be tightly linked to the points you're making, ensuring they directly support your argument. Consider drawing on a broader range of personal experiences or observations to make your essay more compelling.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: