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Band 5.5

Write about the following topic: In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #countries #people #fitness #trainer #sports #exercise #classes #development
In many developed nations, there has been a significant increase in the popularity of private fitness coaches and a drop in outdoor
sports
 and exercise clubs. I believe
this
 is a negative development and in
this
 essay, I will discuss the reasons for the same. Being fit does not mean only physical strength. Mental well-being is
also
 an important part of being healthy. Playing
sports
 enhances exposure to nature, which is widely known to increase dopamine in the brain, and reduce stress levels. One must
also
 note that these personalised exercise sessions are quite expensive. Many working-class people are unable to afford these high fees and eventually drop out of these classes.
In contrast
, playing football or cricket in the park is usually free, and can be as rigorous if not more, as a fitness class.
Although
 some people argue that expert guidance
while
 performing exercises, helps one learn the right techniques and reduces the risk of injury.
While
 I agree with that, I still strongly believe that the advantages of group exercise clubs and
sports
 outweigh its disadvantages.
To conclude
, I believe that the shift towards personal trainers is a negative development and that playing
sports
 is a more holistic and cost-effective way to get fitter.
Submitted by surabhichattree on

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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout your essay. While you've presented your view, reinforcing it with more direct statements could make your position clearer.
Task Achievement
For a more comprehensive response, explore the topic from multiple perspectives thoroughly. Including counterarguments would enhance the depth of your discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Consider using more linking phrases to better connect your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples and evidence. This would make your argument stronger and more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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