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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that a good diet and exercise are not necessary for a healthy and long life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 contemporary era, fast foods and a sedentary lifestyle have become trends all around the world.
Although
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 some individuals support that proper nutrition and physical activities are not essential for wellness and achieving a long
life
Use synonyms
, I strongly disagree with them as I believe that both of these are crucial for a better
life
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.
Firstly
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, one beneficial reason to have a balanced diet is that it promotes better health.A healthy diet consists of various nutrients and can maintain
body
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 mechanisms properly.
Therefore
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, people who have wealthy diets are prevented from non-communicable diseases
such
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 as hypertension, diabetes, marasmus and so many others. It has
also
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 been proven that healthy eating not only reduces a significant amount of sick population but
also
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 increases
life
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 expectations.
For example
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, Vitamins protect the
body
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 from any kind of infection during the Covid pandemic all were prescribed from vitamins.
Secondly
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, increasing physical activity levels can maintain
body
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 functions accurately. If one individual participates daily in exercise ,he will definitely keep good blood circulation , reduce extra fats and have strong joints.
Furthermore
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, having healthy organs and
body
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 systems develops human functioning levels and
also
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 increases
life
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 spans.
For example
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, a person who is sedentary is more prone to be diagnosed with many diseases and die early as opposed to a person who always visits a gym to exercise.
As a result
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, the latter is expected to live longer than the former, as
this
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 activity can prevent any problems regarding well-being.
Thus
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 it is a must that citizens do routine physical activity. In conclusion, it is a debatable issue among people whether proper food and exercise are beneficial or not.
However
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, I believe they have more positive acceptance as support to prevent illness and increase
body
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 function
leve
Correct your spelling
level

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task achievement
Ensure a clear and concise introduction that directly addresses the question. While your introduction is good, it can be more direct by clearly stating your position in the first sentence.
task achievement
Expand on your examples slightly more to directly link them to your main argument. While examples like the benefits of vitamins during the Covid pandemic are mentioned, explaining how they directly contribute to a healthy and long life would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve flow. Use phrases that explicitly connect your ideas and paragraphs, enhancing logical progression.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, consider varying sentence structures and using more precise language. Avoid repeating phrases like "healthy diet" and "physical activity" too frequently. Synonyms or related terms can introduce variety and engage the reader more effectively.
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